The Spoons: Canadian

“Romantic Traffic”; ‘Tell No Lies’ EP (1984)

Sandy Horne is the hottest bass player ever…

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CSN:AFU Week Fifteen

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This Weeks New Posts:

Greatest Hits: Essential Canadian Writers — ‘George Bowering’
Everybody should have a favourite poet,aboot I have four and George Bowering is at the top of my list. George, who spent two years as Canada’s official Poet Laureate, pronounces it “aboot” and he does so proudly.
…this one was a pain in the ass to format. At the end of the post I wanted to leave one of his poems, otherwise why bother, right? But George uses the entire page, which meant using html and WordPress hates any html it thinks is weird. It took me aboot two hours to research and write the piece and another two hours just to get the poem laid out. But I got it done, and it’s exactly the way it looks in the book…

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Short Cuts: A Handy And Timely Guide To Four Of Buffalo’s Golfing Destinations
Four Golf Courses For When… You Know: 1) Beaver Island: Grand Island, New York; 2) Hickory Ridge: Holley, New York; 3) Arrowhead Golf Club: Akron, New York; 4) South Park Golf Course: Buffalo, New York
This one was a little obscure. If you didn’t know the NHL was in Playoff Mode, and that the Ottawa Senators were beating the Buffalo Sabres in one of those Seven Game Playoffs, then you probably thought “mmmm… maybe he golfs and he’s going to Buffalo.” Nope. I don’t golf and the chances of my getting across the border are pretty slim. Hockey players, in the off season, golf. A lot. I was being kind and offering the Buffalo Sabres and their Fans a guide for their fast approaching regrouping season. I’m Canadian, we’re thoughtful like that.

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The Lists:

Five Strangest Search Terms Used To Find CSN:AFU

5) notable achievements of benito mussolini
4) tickled while wearing knee-socks
3) uncle tom’s cavern
2) the concept of the evil seed
1) smoking weed on lithium

Honourable Mention: eigteen focking

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Top Five CSN:AFU Posts Since Last Friday:

1) A Handy And Timely Guide To Four Of Buffalo’s Golfing Destinations
2) Essential Canadian Writers — ‘George Bowering’
3) Canadian Inventions — ‘Instant Replay’
4) How Global Warming Will Affect The National Hockey League
5) redacted.

Honourable Mention: Canadians Invented Hollywood: What You Need To Know Aboot Canada’s Movie Industry — Part Two: A New Hope

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The Five Blogs I Visited Most This Week

1) The Bitter Guy
2) East Village Idiot
3) Queen Minx (now on hiatus)
4) Nita Writer
5) Sex In Canada

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This Week In General:

My week started with me moving 12 tonnes… of stone out of a field. Six tonnes into the tractor’s bucket and six tonnes from the trailer to the spot my step-father and I are building a wall. He was there in the field with me as well, but his back dropped out of alignment aboot ten minutes into the job. There was a farmer driving the tractor, but the first rule of construction and farming is: The Operator Never Lifts Stuff. So on Saturday morning, roughly 8am, I was in a field prying rocks out of the ground… actually fuck that: “mini-boulders”, the larger of these things were easily over 200lbs. It only took a couple of hours… actually, picking stones out of fields was my first job back when I was thirteen. The good farmers would hook a wagon to his tractor then drive, slowly, though the field while myself and some other sucker walked behind the wagon picking up rocks — mostly anything larger than a golf ball — and tossed them on the wagon (rocks get pushed up when the frost melts… then they get stuck in the farm machinery). The serious donkey fucker farmers would park a wagon in the middle of a field and the other sucker and myself would have to walk the rocks to the wagon. $2.50/hour. Good times. Surprisingly not the worst job on the farm, however.

I also turned off my gas stove this week, it usually supplies most of the heat to my apartment. Very easy to turn off, very difficult to turn back on which sucks because the weather took a turn for winter this week. I think the warmest it got all week was “Where’s My Scrotum?”. In order to turn the stove back on I’d have to move one of my bookcases, which means emptying it, then moving an end-table and my EZ Chair, then I’d have to bend over and reach behind the stove (it’s an enclosed fireplace really)… none of which, after moving twelve tonnes of stone, is possible. So I’ve got the electric baseboard in my bedroom set on “Climate Change” and I’ve strategically placed fans to circulate the heat… sweet, sweet, precious heat. It’s not that moving the stone has made it impossible for me to move stuff, I actually feel pretty good. It’s just that I’ve moved enough stuff this week.

Today my friends had the ribbon cutting for their Craft Brewery. “Beau’s All Natural Brewing Company” is now, officially, in business. Their first product, Beau’s Beer, won last years “Golden Tap Award” for Best Beer at the prestigious Toronto Beer Festival. It’s my friend Steve, his brother Phil and their dad Tim who own the thing. Then Jamie is the Guy In Charge of Ottawa Sales. Last spring they had five bars selling their beer, now they have fifty with another whole lot offering it later this spring. The local mayor was there, so was the mayor from Hawkesbury, the closest city. The provincial member of Parliament for the area was there, as was the federal MP. This weekend Beau’s is busing 1000 people from the Ottawa region to their brewery for taste testing and roast animals.

I’ve tried to help out with the brewery when and if I can, but it’s still very hard to get out and interact with human beings, even when there’s beer involved. Last summer we painted a huge mural for the outside of their warehouse, and moved the brewing equipment into the factory. Last week I kind of hung around and occasionally hammered a board, then today I took photos of the event… which would be the first time in a year I’ve used the Real Camera… yikes. I think that’s it…

Oh yeah on Friday of last week my landlord handed me almost $500 in bills. I thought something was wrong… then, as he was handing them to me, I realized… he hadn’t given me an electric or gas bill since Christmas. Which would explain all the extra food in my cupboards. Good times.

Last thing… two friends, both from long ago, found me recently through this blog… but that may have been last week.

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