Revenge Of The Itsy Bitsy Spider

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It’s supposed to look like the spider killed me. Which it probably could have done… it was so still I thought it had died in mid-stride, so I tapped on it’s yellow ass and it scurried about three inches, then stopped. I was going to do a self-portrait with my head where my hand is, but I thought I was already pushing my luck with the tapping thing. Still… it does look like the spider is the one walking away from the fight.

Technical Stuff: Whoever had the stunning idea a digital camera should be produced without a fixed focus capability was, more likely than not, Satan… or Dan Carp, who has been the CEO of Kodak since 2000. If you look closely you’ll see a little orange stone… it’s actually not hard to miss, it’s the only fucking thing in sharp focus. My fingers and the spider are almost there, but the patch of ground around the fucking stone is what the camera focused on.

I’ve ranted about this before… but on another blog… which I shut down months ago. Which means it’s totally cool to be reusing its content. Here’s the basics… the old-school viewfinder on a pocket digital camera is useless. Like tits on a bull useless. So in order to get the focus right we have to use the screen on the back. But if the subject is a spider walking across the driveway, and you want a full frontal shot, how likely is it you’ll lay down in the dirt, hold the camera an inch off the ground and contort your neck so you can see the frigging screen? Plus, the freaking thing is moving… which means if you want to hold focus you have to hold the trigger half down and, as you’re moving the camera, blindly guess if the bugger is in the focal plane?!? Tits. On. A. Bull.


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About Gabriel

I’ve lived in more than fifty places. I've been paid to pick stones out of fields, take backstage photos of Britney Spears, and report on Internet privacy issues. My photos have been published in several newspapers, and a couple of magazines.
This entry was posted in Animals, Entertainment, Experiments, Favourites, Humor, Humour, Photography, Vankleek Hill Photos. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Revenge Of The Itsy Bitsy Spider

  1. Hella Stella says:

    Heheh. The mental image of tits on a bull is too awesome.

  2. Gabriel says:

    Thanks Hella… I was going to go the other way but decided it was too rude.

    I think I should rework the post though… the more I look at the photo the more I think the “multi-zone focus” option was on and got three or four parts almost in focus… the rant is still right though, just on the wrong post.

    Thanks for coming over. I promise this site is a little saner than the other one.

  3. Pingback: Almost Like Art | Warming Up For The Show | cultural sn:afu

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