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My favourite Christmas moments are mostly a collection of memories of having fantastic sex with my girlfriend on my parents’ living room floor, couch, kitchen counter and staircase while my family were at mass on Christmas Eve. But those photos are kind of blurry and the composition is a little hurried, so I don’t feel right about posting them here (I kid). So, instead, this is Maytag.

Technical Stuff: Taking naked photos of someone you love is never a good idea. The first time I/we did it was in the pre-digital age so I used colour film, which meant someone at the photo place got to see my naked girlfriend… the second time was with Polaroids, which were insanely expensive and the quality was limited. But my objections aren’t over quality, it’s about respect… unless you, like a friend of mine, are an artist using your girlfriend as a model, when you take these kind of shots you’re basically admitting to each other that, once your lover’s out of the room you’re going to sit there and do obscene things to their memory… but, the way I see it, sharing those kinds of photos might be okay. So you can email me yours if you’d like.

I still have those Christmas memories… not so much because of the few fully-clothed snapshots I have left of her in a shoebox in my closet, but mostly because my girlfriend was really into arts & crafts and she made a dozen white, knitted angel ornaments for my parents tree where, for the next dozen Christmases, they’d hang… like little ornamental reminders of Christmas orgasms past.

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