CSN:AFU Week 17 In Review

Posted on June 10, 2007 by Gabriel

Doug & The Slugs: Canadian

“Makin’ It Work“; ‘Music For The Hard Of Thinking’ (1982)

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‘[redacted]

CSN:AFU Week Seventeen

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Change Of Name… And Back Again:

So I changed my WP “nickname” from… ‘[redacted]’ to ‘senators in six.’ for the NHL Playoffs. But the Senators lost in Five to the Anaheim Ducks (mostly) thanks to the gigantic mental cramps of Chris Phillips who, otherwise and generally, is one of the top defencemen in the National Hockey League. I believe the Official Score in Game Five was: Ottawa Senators 2; Ducks 2; Chris Phillips 3; Anton Volchenkov’s Ass 1. So I’m back to ‘[redacted]’… oh, and I’ve changed my avatar’s colour to black and red on a field of green and black, mostly because of “why not” and “hey, that’s pretty cool.”

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The Lists:

Five Strangest Search Terms Used To Find CSN:AFU

5) ABOOT BATTERIES
4) neked militari
3) ottawa senators suck stuff
2) fuck humanity
1) why does Yashin play hockey

Honourable Mention: omega planet ocean serial number locatio

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Top Five CSN:AFU Posts Since Last Friday:

1) Short Cuts: WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, THE SENATORS ARE STILL IN MY EARS… OR One Down Three To Go
2) Short Cuts: The Duck Hunt Is Over OR The Senators Were The Wind Beneath Their Wings
3) Ottawa Senators: Tearing My Family Apart OR Does Anyone Have A Recipe For Roast Duck Or Fried Wings?
4) Short Cuts: Senators In Six OR Box Seats For Game Three Baby, Box Freaking Seats
5) CSN:AFU Week 16 In Review

Honourable Mention: Greatest Hits: Canadian Inventions — ‘Radio’

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The Five Blogs I Visited Most This Week

1) Dead Robot
2) Second Thoughts
3) A Wide Angle View Of India (Nita!)
4) Sex In Canada
5) Joan Tintor

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This Week In General:

I spent nine hours in the Emergency Room… because I kicked a 30 pound table halfway across my living room, that’s how This Week In Snafu’s started. The kicking part anyway, I waited four days before getting to the ER. Here’s a quick example of how bizarre Canada’s Health Care System is… I also had a filling lose its grip this week, so there was a jagged and very sharp — albeit relatively small — piece of metal in my mouth. I called a dentist, one I hadn’t used before, and they booked me in for an appointment the very next day — they would have seen me that day but I didn’t have a ride and I couldn’t pay for a cab because a walk to the Bank Machine was impossible because of my foot being so swollen from kicking an end-table halfway across my living room.

After filling out a quick medical form — no allergies, three medications — the dentist’s assistant took an X-Ray of my tooth, a few minutes later I was sitting in that weird chair with my head inches from the ground (short dentist), my cheek was numb and she was fixing my tooth. In and out in forty-five minutes, then off to a Chip Stand for an all-dressed hotdog, some fries and a chocolate milkshake. The entire cost was covered by my insurance plan, which is very cool because Dentistry is Private Health Care in Canada. WHAT?!? Yes, Canada has Private Health Care, and has always had Private Health Care in the form of Dentistry. 

A day later I decided my foot, ankle and knee had been swollen long enough to warrant a trip to the Emergency Room. Having experienced ER’s quite often (15 sprained left ankles, 22 sprained right ankles, eight sprained right wrists, four sprained left wrists, one dislocated knee cap, two torn knee ligaments, two chipped ribs, two chipped (neck) vertebrae, six sprained ligaments in my neck, and so on and so on…), I knew the best time to get in and out is late in the evening… so I entered one of Canada’s fine Government-run Health Care establishments at 7.30pm. With a large book. After registering with the front desk the “triage nurse” called me in for my primary exam after aboot thirty minutes. Without examining my foot, ankle or knee and based only on my suggestion that “there may be something broken, I’m not sure” she wrote “broken foot” in the appropriate area.

Five hours later I’m called in to meet Dr. Whatthefuck for the first time, where he takes my shoe off, grabs my foot and shakes it like it’s a Pepper Mill and he’s an unemployed actor. Then he looks at his (stunning) intern, tells her “I know all aboot ankle injuries because I’ve read everything on ankles”, then he turns to me and says “it’s up to you if we do an X-Ray.” At this point, and I am not exaggerating, I can actually see my ankle swelling. Veins are disappearing, and I’m just a little too stunned otherwise I would have hit him. I tell him I’ll take the X-Ray. Three hours after the technician manipulated my foot into positions it was never meant to be in, in order to get the X-Ray, Dr. Holyfuckletgoofmyfoot calls me into an exam room where he looks at the inside of my foot and says “I don’t see anything here… the person who examines the X-Rays isn’t in until tomorrow so if there’s anything wrong he’ll call you.” I ask him if maybe, maybe — perhaps — my ankle, foot and knee might be sprained… you know, cause they’re all swollen and hurt and shit. He looks at the registration form and says — with a tone like I’m taking him away from his date with the stunning intern — “it says here you complained of a broken foot. If there’s anything else you’ll have to re-register.”

Good times. Somehow I also managed to write more this week than I have in months. Two posts on [my other blog] and four here on Cultural Snafu. I also bought a pair of very nice running shoes… they’re white and shiny. I haven’t used them yet because I kicked a really heavy end-table halfway across my living room.

And, Lastly, I Changed My Headers on both Cultural Snafu and [my other blog]. They give me a little more room to put photos… I’ll be changing the header photo on [sigh, my other freaking blog] on a regular basis. I like them, they’re not so dark what with being all white with lots of empty space and the other ones being all black and full of stuff. Funny how that works out.

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This Weeks New Posts:

Six Canadian Movies You Need To See That Don’t Suck
— Part Three: Heavy Metal
Heavy Metal is an animated movie which inspired movies such as the “Alien” franchise and “The Fifth Element”, as well as classics like “Akira” and “Bladerunner.” It’s an anthology of eight parts told in sequence by a little green orb called “The LocNor,” which is the manifestation of all that is evil in the universe. None of which makes any difference because two key segments were cut out. Consequently the movie was turned into eight separate movies, each starring a green orb of evil. One of the segments, called “Neverwhere Land” — which included the Pink Floyd classic “Time” — was cut to reduce the run time. The other segment was edited back because of a scene of a dude’s full frontal nudity (an animated John Candy). Despite the almost constant sex, violence and blood-letting, it was a dude’s limp cock which almost got this movie an X Rating. The Soundtrack features the music of Sammy Hagar, Nazareth, Blue Öyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Black Sabbath, Stevie Nicks and Grand Funk Railroad.

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Short Cuts: Senators In Six OR Box Seats For Game Three Baby, Box Freaking Seats
The last playoff game I managed to get myself into was back in 2003 when Ottawa beat up on the Flyers in the Conference Semi-Finals. Despite the Flyers hanging their goalie, Roman “the bipolar goaler” Cechmanek, out to dry — then blaming him for the loss — it was a pretty good game… but, Holy Fuck, what an atmosphere. I’ve been to a lot of NHL hockey games, but nothing like that. My step-father has season tickets in a private box at ScotiaBank Place, and he brought me to the game in 2003 and he brought me to Game Three this year.

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Short Cuts: WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, THE SENATORS ARE STILL IN MY EARS… OR One Down Three To Go
Forty minutes before the game — no, not the game, the shoot-around before the game — the ScotiaBank Place / Corel Centre / Palladium was packed. Twenty minutes before the shoot-around the announcer came on to tell us aboot the regulations on smoking and drinking and whatever and the crowd started screaming and we couldn’t hear him. The lights dimmed a little and music got louder and the crowd, 20,000 people, started screaming and we couldn’t hear the music. There was some feedback over the sound-system and the crowd screamed. Then the kids hanging over the glass separating them from the hallway where the Senators march out to the ice leaned down with their hands outstretched and Ray Emery appeared leading the Senators to their practice and the crowd went fucking crazy… it was in intense evening. And the Senators won… YAY. Sigh. Good times.

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Short Cuts: The Duck Hunt Is Over OR The Senators Were The Wind Beneath Their Wings
Fuck fuck fuck fuckitty fuck fuck.

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Next Week:

Global Warming And At Least One Short Cut.

My sister’s coming to visit, so I have to do some dishes and laundry and maybe have a shower so my schedule may be a little tight.

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Movies, CSN:AFU Weekly Review, Hockey, Humor, Humour, Ottawa, Pot, Punk | 13 Comments

Short Cuts: The Duck Hunt Is Over OR The Senators Were The Wind Beneath Their Wings

Posted on June 7, 2007 by Gabriel

20,500 Senators Fans: Canadian

“Star Spangled Banner & O’Canada”;
Game Three, Eastern Conference Finals (2007)
If you listen closely you can hear me…

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Thanks, But Next Year Doesn’t Matter Yet…

because for the 2006-2007 season the Ottawa Senators made it to the Stanley Cup Finals, and there’s only one other team who gets to say that they were there as well.

So save all that “there’s always next year” crap for the 28 NHL teams that had been watching these Playoffs from the Nineteenth Hole.

The Ducks may have been the best team in the West, and they may have beaten the best team in the East, but it wasn’t their skill that won them their fourth game… it was the four goals that went in off an Ottawa defender during Game Five and those grey beards.

It was the determination and the presence that comes with having spent fifteen years of your career watching from the Nineteenth Hole that won this Stanley Cup for the Anaheim Ducks.

The Senators have the best defence in the NHL this season and the best offence and, except for Mike Comrie and Dean McAmmond, the entire team are all still under contract… in fact, unless the General Manager wants to make a trade, they could all be back for next season.

And “CanaDucks” is ignorant and lame. CBC News recently made the point that “Canada’s Team” may have lost the Stanley Cup, but there were “plenty of Canadians” on the Ducks… the sports radio station in Ottawa even referred to the Anaheim Ducks as the “CanaDucks.” As if we needed that little piece of assurance, and without it we wouldn’t be — couldn’t be — complete. “Oh, I’m a fragile Ottawa Senators fan… and if we couldn’t win The Cup the only way I can wakeup tomorrow morning is to know there were a few Canadians on the winning team…” Get bent.

The Anaheim Ducks won 16 out of a possible 28 games and won the Stanley Cup. It’s not my place to congratulate them, I had nothing to do with putting their team or their opponents team together, nor have I ever met any of them. Any congratulations given to a Victor should only come from those they’ve played against and beaten. In my opinion the more experienced team, led by a Captain with three Stanley Cup Rings previously, beat a more talented team. It happens. Next season, which starts in 16 weeks, the Ottawa Senators — barring a trade or two — will put the very same lineup on the ice and each and everyone of them will know that what they did during these Playoffs was not enough. And they’ll know why. And they will be in the Playoffs next year.

And there’s a really good chance they’ll be the only Canadian Team standing at the end… again.

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If you find a broken link, or the YouTube stuff isn’t loading
properly, let me know and I’ll find an alternative…
I’m Canadian, it’s what we do. Off the ice.

It Was Aboot Fucking Time…

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Posted in Canada, CSN:AFU Short Cuts, Hockey, Ottawa, Punk | 4 Comments

WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU, THE SENATORS ARE STILL IN MY EARS… OR One Down Three To Go

Posted on June 3, 2007 by Gabriel

Belly: Canadian

“Go Sens Go”; unreleased (2007)

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2007 Stanley Cup Playoffs, Game Three In Ottawa
just click on the thumbnail to see the full photo…

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When I’d go to concerts as a young punk I’d usually… get up front for a few songs and jam my head deep into the speakers. I’m fairly sure, at a couple of shows, the bass took over for my heart as the pump for my circulatory system. Forty minutes before tonights game — no, not the game, the shoot-around before the game — the ScotiaBank Place / Corel Centre / Palladium was packed. Twenty minutes before the shoot-around the announcer came on to tell us aboot the regulations on smoking and drinking and whatever and the crowd started screaming and we couldn’t hear him. The lights dimmed a little and music got louder and the crowd, 20,000 people, started screaming and we couldn’t hear the music. There was some feedback over the sound-system and the crowd screamed. Then the kids hanging over the glass separating them from the hallway where the Senators march out to the ice leaned down with their hands outstretched and Ray Emery appeared leading the Senators to their practice and the crowd went fucking crazy.

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This was for their pre-game practice. Everyone was on their feet and clapping and cheering and whistling and screaming for ten fucking minutes straight during a practice. There was music playing, some kind of very loud metal march, but no one could hear it. I only realized it was playing because I thought I could feel a bass beat that was out of rhythm to the crowd. Then there was a lull just as the Senators were preparing to leave the ice, and we could hear the music… then the screaming and chanting started again. Go. Sens. Go. And the Senators left the ice and for the next five minutes the screaming and chanting kept going. It was like being in an engine. Or having your head buried in a speaker at a Henry Rollins concert. I had to yell into the ear of the guy beside me just to tell him that “this is a helluva thing”, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t hear me… and this was before the fucking game even started — for sweet Christ, the national anthems were still thirty minutes away.

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The anthems were great. Lyndon Slewidge always does a great job… the problem with trying to get the crowd to sing the anthem in Ottawa is we get the bilingual version and the Anglos don’t know the French parts, crap we barely know the freaking English parts… once the anthems were out of the way I was really surprised at the complete lack of ceremony. When I was at the 2003 Flyers v. Senators for Game Five there was a massive, chill-inducing multimedia presentation… the Senators appeared onscreen as gladiators and there was a suitable soundtrack. Very cheesy, but when Spartacat dropped from the rafters I nearly cried. This time the multimedia presentation was limited to some powerpoint images flashed on the ice, some spotlights and two songs where the crowd was supposed to sing along but Music Dude kept fucking up the timing… I actually don’t even remember if there was a ceremonial faceoff. I do remember there was a 600 foot wide Canadian flag that almost made it around the third level. That was pretty freaking cool. Then there was a faceoff and Chris Neil beat the Anaheim Ducks 5-3… oh, and Chris Pronger nearly killed Dean McAmmond.

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Chris Neil’s wife gave birth to a healthy baby girl before the game. Then daddy went out and smacked some bad men upside their heads. Chris got the second star, Anton Volchenkov got the first and some Duck… Getsajob? I don’t know, he got the third but he didn’t come out for his skate around. Unfuckingbelievable. I didn’t even realize there was food available until the third period. My hands were numb from clapping until I got home and my voice is still blown out. I stood for the whole thing… I stayed towards the back of the box so I wasn’t in anyone’s way, but I was up and hopping around for over two hours. Stephen Harper, the Prime Minister, was in da house. We were in Box 119A because Vincent Lecavalier, the goalies from the Minnesota Wild and Sidney Crosby had taken over our usual spot, 10something, I can never remember (they were there because they had won the individual awards). The people we were sharing with were great, the guy next to us was an asshole but I told him to fuck off and he did so everything was cool. I don’t know what else to write… Game Four’s on Monday… I need a haircut… I bought some new underwear yesterday… I still have to fix the photos from the game… it’s after 4am and the sun’s coming up, looks like a brand new day to me.

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…it’s aboot fucking time.

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Posted in Canada, CSN:AFU Short Cuts, Hockey, Humor, Humour, Ottawa, Photography, Pot, Punk | 7 Comments

Short Cuts: Senators In Six OR Box Seats For Game Three Baby, Box Freaking Seats

Posted on June 1, 2007 by Gabriel

Danko Jones: Canadian

“Sound Of Love“; ‘Born A Lion’ (2002)

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I’m Going To The Show Baby, Private Box…

a fridge full of beer, all the smoked meat sandwiches I can eat and… oh yeah, Game Three of The Stanley Cup Finals between The Ottawa Senators and the Anaheim Ducks at ScotiaBank Place.

Fuck yeah. The last playoff game I managed to get myself into was back in 2003 when Ottawa beat up on the Flyers in the Conference Semi-Finals. Despite the Flyers hanging their goalie, Roman “the bipolar goaler” Cechmanek, out to dry — then blaming him for the loss — it was a pretty good game… but, Holy Fuck, what an atmosphere. I’ve been to a lot of NHL hockey games, but nothing like that.

I’ve even been to a couple of regular season games where the crowd felt like they were too drowsy to cheer. Back in 1998 or 99 against Edmonton the person I was at the game with was actually nodding off between periods… now, a lot of that had to do with Edmonton and Ottawa both using “The Trap”, but still. In most games I’ve been to there are bursts of energy where, for a few minutes in each period, the energy spikes and you feel like the roof is aboot to be torn off this mother… but then the Music Idiot jams in his Gary Glitter CD and sucks all the energy out of the building because a constant 130dB from the sound-system kicks the shit out of the 120dB we can muster for five minutes.

Then there are the rare Regular Season games where the crowd has that perfect mix of leaders and followers and the chants are coherent and the game flows perfectly and the refs aren’t assholes and maybe the sound guy has a clue and there’s a constant roar. I love those games, and — I’ve seen all the Big Ones except US College Football, NFL and NASCAR — the most exciting are in hockey.

But then… there are the Playoffs. I was at Game Five versus the Flyers. Ottawa had finished first overall, the Flyers in fourth. Sports franchises today are not stupid… except for the Chicago Blackhawks. They have a staff of people whose only job is to manufacture specific emotions in us, the fans, through highlights and multimedia presentations. And from start to finish I was quite happy to be manipulated on certain levels. But at the base of it all was the constant screaming and chanting and believing and desire of 22,000 Ottawa Senators fans. The game was fast, intense and unrelenting and Cechmanek let in two bad goals but the Flyers were outmatched and on the way out to our cars we were a family of 22,000.

This time it’s the Senators who have been outmatched but, whereas the Flyers had been beat up and bruised and injured by the Toronto Maple Leafs in the previous round, this time it’s a nine day layoff between beating the Buffalo Sabres and starting this series against the Ducks. If the Senators can win two games at home then it’s a series again, but they’ve played their two worst games since Christmas and I’m not sure I see anything or any reason that’ll change now.

So, fuck this. I’m going to Game Three tomorrow night and I’m going to scream my fucking lungs onto the floor and drink beer and eat sandwiches and maybe buy a shirt for a friend. And maybe the Senators will win and then maybe they’ll win another and maybe another after that and then one more and then we’ll have a parade worth attending.

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If you find a broken link, or the YouTube stuff isn’t loading
properly, let me know and I’ll find an alternative…
I’m Canadian, it’s what we do. Off the ice.

It’s Aboot Fucking Time…

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Posted in CSN:AFU Short Cuts, Hockey, Humor, Humour, Ottawa, Punk | 4 Comments

Canadian Movies You Need To See That Don’t Suck — Heavy Metal

Posted on May 30, 2007 by Gabriel

Copyright Image

Heavy Metal (Animated — 1981)
a movie aboot a green orb of ultimate evil with the coolest soundtrack ever.

Heavy Metal Trailer (1981)

Directed by Jimmy T. Murakami, Gerald Potterton
Starring John Candy, Harold Ramis, Al Waxman, Eugene Levy,
and Joe Flaherty as “Lawyer/General”

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Canada’s animated film industry is cutting edge and innovative… but that’s easy to say of any country. All it really takes to be innovative in an “Art” is to draw a circle around a square and call it “the new world.” In as much as Canada has an actual “film and animation industry”, yes, ours gets recognized by more award-givers than most other country’s — the Canadian National Film Board, for example, has more Oscar nominations and wins than any other Film Studio — and Canada is definitely recognized more so than any other country with such a small population. As a result our animators get recruited into Hollywood more than any other country except America. But even that’s not specific to Canadian animators, Canadian filmmakers — regardless of genre — are sucked into Hollywood like Tinseltown was a fifty dollar whore and Canadians were overly talented sperm with no place to get paid for procreating.

The “Animation Film Industry” covers such a wide territory of art. If you’ve ever played “Max Payne”, or any of the EA Sports titles, or any of a huge number of other Video Games available around the world, chances are you’ve watched Canadian taxpayer money at work. But, again, that’s not unique to Canada. Even most of the United States hand out cash to the film industry, either in indirect tax credits or directly through subsidies and handouts to their “Cultural Sectors.” Hollywood may be a whore, or even The Whore, but chances are pretty frigging good that your country has given her a roll of bills taken from taxpayers just like you and your neighbours.

Most, if not all, Hollywood animated movies released in the past thirty years have had Canadians in charge of some part of production. The most recent example would be the movie “300”, which was shot entirely at Montreal’s Icestorm Studios using bluescreens then put together in Montreal’s Meteor Studios and Hybride Technologies. The problem — in terms of actually showing what it is Canadians can do — is the overwhelming majority of mainstream Canadian animation is done in the United States, and they don’t list “nationality” in the credits of Shrek The Third.

Inside the actual Industry, original animation created by Canadians is considered “innovative” and “cutting edge”, but those movies and short films quickly, nearly instantaneously, get lost into the void of the non-distributed and unwatched. So the direct Cultural Impact of the Canadian Animation Industry on mainstream audiences is minimal. Unless you include the coolest animated movie ever produced.

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Heavy Metal definitely does not suck… the movie is sectioned into an anthology, told in sequence by a little green orb called “The LocNor,” which is the manifestation of all that is evil in the universe. The segments, in order, are called “Soft Landing“; “Grimandi”; “Harry Canyon”; “Den”; “Captain Sternn”; “B-17 Flying Fortress”; “So Beautiful, So Dangerous”, and; “Taarna”. None of this makes any difference because two key segments were cut out which basically turned the movie into eight separate movies, each starring a green orb of evil. One of the segments, called “Neverwhere Land” — which included the Pink Floyd classic “Time” — was cut to reduce the run time. The other segment was edited back because of a scene of a dude’s full frontal nudity. Despite the almost constant female nudity, sex and definitely constant violence and blood-letting, it was a dude’s limp cock which almost got this movie an X Rating.

As a result the movie, or at least the story and main plot, comes off as uneven and juvenile. Which probably would have happened anyway. But that’s not the point. The individual segments actually work as short films, the animation is cutting edge, the storylines — based on sex and violence — were almost completely unheard of in a mainstream animated movie, and the soundtrack… the soundtrack is, quite simply, a who’s who of Late 70’s Heavy Metal Music and a perfect example of how cool a soundtrack — at that point almost entirely limited to the Movie’s Score — could be. Among others, the music of Sammy Hagar, Nazareth, Blue Öyster Cult, Cheap Trick, Black Sabbath, Stevie Nicks and Grand Funk Railroad are all featured in the film.

Ironically, even more than the deleted segments, it was the music that doomed Heavy Metal to cult classic status. After its 1981 theatre release Heavy Metal always had a home on HBO and other movie channels however, a handful of legal fights over music licensing kept Heavy Metal from being released into the Home Video Market until aboot 1996. The same fights kept the soundtrack from being re-released on CD until 1995.

The movie is based on an American-based magazine of the same name, which had a Canadian publisher at the time. The animators came from America and Europe, but an equal amount of Canadians worked on this movie. Weirdly, the voice work was mostly done by members of the SCTV Improv Group. The Producers were Canadian and Canadian taxpayers money paid for most of the film and distribution… the animation, through the sequences, has different styles because several different animation houses were used to cut down on time and cost. Among animators Heavy Metal is considered to be a classic, and was the inspiration for “live action” movies such as the “Alien” franchise and “The Fifth Element,” as well as classics like “Akira” and “Bladerunner.”

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Quotes:

Hanover Fiste: He never did anything that was… illegal… unless you count all the times he sold dope disguised as a nun.

Zeks: Look, man, if there’s one thing I know, it’s how to drive while I’m stoned. You know your perception is completely fucked so you just let your hands work the controls as if you were straight.

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Movies, CSN:AFU Movies, Humor, Humour, Weed, Writing | 6 Comments

CSN:AFU Week 16 In Review

Posted on May 27, 2007 by Gabriel

Joni Mitchell: Canadian

“Born To Take The Highway“; unreleased: performance (1965);
lyrics published ‘Gandalf Publishing Company’ (1966)

a request from absolut.folly… let it play, some dude talks for a minute.
This is from when Joni was still “Anderson”.

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CSN:AFU Week Sixteen

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Change Of Name:

So I changed my WP “nickname” from… ‘[redacted]’ to ‘senators in six.’, but it’ll change back in two weeks when the NHL Playoffs are finished. In case you’re wondering ‘[redacted]’ comes from a College magazine publishing / html course… we had to market a product and I chose Religion: “All Praise The Grapefruit, [redacted]”. It’s okay, I know no one was wondering.

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The Lists:

Five Strangest Search Terms Used To Find CSN:AFU

5) canadian beaver
4) the bitter guy
3) how to suck boops
2) catherine zeta jones fuck zoro
1) what hollywood actor has the largest coc

Honourable Mention: why was canada day invented

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Top Five CSN:AFU Posts Since Last Friday:

1) Ottawa Senators: Tearing My Family Apart OR Does Anyone Have A Recipe For Roast Duck Or Fried Wings?
2) The First Ten Things You Need To Know Aboot Canada
3) Short Cuts: The NHL’s No Buzkashi League OR So What If Nobody Ordered The Duck
4) [redacted]: Why Are We Tearing Down Uncle Tom’s Cabin?
5) Greatest Hits: Canadian Inventions — ‘Radio’

Honourable Mention: Six Canadian Movies You Need To See That Don’t Suck — Part One: FUBAR

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The Five Blogs I Visited Most This Week

1) The Bitter Guy
2) Sex In Canada
3) Newfoundblog
4) A Wide Angle View Of India (Nita!)
5) Sisyphus’ Ledge

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This Week In General:

So I’ve totally without trying lost ten pounds… over the past, well, ten days. Holy fuck have I been bummed out over the past couple of weeks. And broke? Fuck, I’m so broke when I walk down the street little children are handing me their lunch money… well, replace “little children” with “old ladies” and “walk” with “sprinting away with” and “lunch money” with “their purses”. I’ve spent this entire week with an MSG headache because the only thing I’ve had to eat have been “Mr. Noodles”, the occasional egg and canned tuna. If you alternate — like Mr. Noodles “Seafood” with the tuna, then the next night you drop an egg into the “Oriental” Mr. Noodles when it’s done boiling — it isn’t so bad. Back in The Day some friends of mine who were also on “a fixed income” and myself would rotate between our apartments (re: rooming houses) and have potluck suppers. Mostly they were based around Macaroni & Cheese. My favourite recipe involved seaweed and tuna. Very tastey. Actually, back In That Day, my favourite recipe was twenty-four beers and a handful of weed, it was a little pricey but well worth the preparation time. 

So no eating, and no movement, apparently leads to weight loss. It’d be a short book, but one that needs writing. I managed to get in a couple of days with my grandfather and his new, very large, flat screen Plasma HD television. The problem is, of course, the cable company in this market won’t have HD programming until August. Not that he watches it a whole lot, he played golf three days this past week. Two eighteens and a nine. He’s 86 or 87. He played 68 games last year, and 98 the year before. He’s aiming for at least 70 this summer. He played 18 holes on Wednesday and almost broke 100. Last year the local CTV affiliate did a story on him and Joseph, his youngest brother, aboot their golfing and aboot how the University of Ottawa was putting on a “Do” for them… they played hockey at the UofO, my grandfather is their oldest alumni. They were also both hockey stars Back In The Day in the Northern Ontario Hockey League. Joseph went on to be Deputy Minister of Finance for Pierre Trudeau, then went on to help build the World Bank. My grandfather went on to become an engineer and built mega-dams all over the world… he was the Project Manager for James Bay and Churchill Falls. He also bullt the bottom half of the tower on The Olympic Stadium in Montreal, but he doesn’t talk much aboot that one. If it sounds like I’m bragging a little… I am. Don’t even get me started on Johnny, my grandfathers older brother… the guy was in The Devil’s Brigade. You don’t get much cooler than that.

Mostly this week I just tried to get to the end of the week… and here I am, so something went right.

I posted a couple of things on [my other blog] and got attacked by anti-pharma fanatics. I’m pretty sure a few of them were / continue to be Scientologists. My blog was passed around in some discussion groups, which is always weird. Unless you join those things you can’t defend yourself… at least not without posting on your own site, which gets ugly. It has happened before with other posts so I’m kind of used to it, but when the name calling starts getting personal it can be frustrating. It was one of my best days with the blog hits and page views though. I’m such a whore when it comes to that stuff. Praise be to Xenu, shower me with blog hits.

We finished building the stone wall on the museum project, so no more lugging stone around for me for a while. Unfortunately we did such a great job (there are photos coming) that mom wants one at Home. But I think, for that one, my step-father will get professionals to build it… I think he’s had enough back pain for the summer.

And, Lastly, I Posted Fifteen More photos on my “Photo Evidence” Page. If you see yourself, let me know. If you don’t see yourself feel free to send photos. And, if you don’t see Finland, blame absolut.folly.

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This Weeks New Posts:

Short Cuts: The NHL’s No Buzkashi League OR So What If Nobody Ordered The Duck
Ten Minutes After The Ducks Fried The Wings last night, questions were being raised aboot who, in their right mind, would ever want to watch the Ottawa Somethings play the Anaheim… what the fuck are they called again? Every year it’s the same frigging thing… the Stanley Cup Finals start, and are instantly dismissed by a pack of “sports” reporters (I’m not going to say “American” because there are a few Canadian reporters asking the same question… although most of them work for the Toronto Star).

I’m not entirely happy with this post. I’m not sure what I could have done differently, other than write it better using different words and maybe a little more effort and a few more adjectives and adverbs and maybe I should learn what a freaking preposition is and why you shouldn’t end a sentence with one then there are these things: “…”, could I possibly use them any more frequently? Maybe, someday, I’ll just write an entire post using nothing but “…”. And, I’m starting to think, I use comma’s waaaaay too often.

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Ottawa Senators: Tearing My Family Apart OR Does Anyone Have A Recipe For Roast Duck Or Fried Wings?
When I was a kid my grandfather had… season tickets at The Forum in Montreal. When my brother and I went up for a visit we’d get dressed up and go sit behind Ken Dryden. Ken Fucking Dryden. I watched Guy Lafleur skate. Steve Shutt, Larry Robinson and Serge Savard… each game my grandfather would make a point of pointing out Yvan Cournoyer’s nickname was “The Roadrunner”. I still have some of the ticket stubs, and at least one program. I was born, like my grandfather before me and his father before him, a Habs Fan.

This one started as one post but turned into a completely different post by aboot the third paragraph. I was just going to write something quick aboot how I ended up being a Senators fan, but then I started writing aboot my relationship with my grandfather… this ended up being one of the most emotional things I’ve ever written. Just as a quick explanation to my European friends, “Roast Duck” refers to the Anaheim Ducks, while “Fried Wings” is the Detroit Red Wings… I’ve been in a weird mood the last couple of weeks and I haven’t been putting the links into my posts the way I should be… I’ll fix that for next week.

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Next Week:

Two Canadian Movies And A Short Cut.

This will be the third week I’ve told myself I’ll write these fucking things… I have food now, so maybe I’ll have some energy.

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Posted in Canada, CSN:AFU Weekly Review, Hockey, Ottawa, Pot, Punk, Weed | 14 Comments