The 2011 Liberal Party election results might count as ethnic cleansing

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill voting

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So… that was interesting.

I am blown away at the collective humph to the nuts Canada has given to the Liberal Party of Canada. Seriously, it’s about time. The past fourteen years have been like being trapped in a room with fans of the Montreal Canadiens, listening to them talk about Les Glorieux but oblivious to the fact their team sucks.

You just want to scream “it was Patrick Roy who won you two Stanley Cups entirely on his own, you stupid fuckers… and the reason the LPC won any elections in the 90’s was an undisciplined and uncoordinated Right, not because of Paul Martin and certainly not because of Stephane fucking Dion.”.

Surely someone on the team must have understood that once you got rid of Patrick, it was over.

But of course, the Liberals refused to believe their team could miss the playoffs, because their near-fanatical belief their team is the Natural Ruling Party, so how can they possibly lose? Or even consider the possibility?

Well, surprise Habs fans… the Stanley Cup has been won sixteen times since 1993, and your last dynasty died in the 1970’s. And now it’s official, with a Conservative government until at least 2015, Canada has been governed by more Conservative governments than Liberal ones since Pierre Trudeau’s resignation.

The reason the Liberal Party of Canada lost so badly this year is simple — it’s because the best leader they could offer Canadians was Michael Ignatieff, whose only credentials were he was further right than Stephane Dion, with much better speaking skills, and his background suggested he was Stephen Harper’s intellectual equal.

But, really, how the fuck do you win the Stanley Cup with Ignatieff as your captain? The man cannot play defence, the Conservative attack ads proved that, and his only offence during the playoffs was to rip off Bruce Springsteen’s song about recovering from the 9-11 attacks. Rise up, rise up, indeed.

I think voters just got tired of being spoken to like we can’t be trusted with the scissors. The Liberal Party of Canada, we’ve been told so often, is the only party we can trust with the democratic principles they themselves gave onto us some 2000 years ago.

The problem I’ve had with the LPC isn’t entirely with their complete lack of achievement during the Chretien years — it’s the level of arrogance they maintained while achieving so little (except for the Clarity Act, which was awesome).

There’s a deep pool of corruption and ineptness they want us to ignore while they go on about their “legacy of democratic institutions”. Basically, the LPC has been wearing Patrick Roy’s sweater for at least fourteen years, but playing like they were Claude Lemieux.

People who talk for a living go on about the fear tactics used by the Conservative Party — and yes, it’s definitely part of who they are, but the Liberal Party’s only platform for the past fifteen years has been to demonize the Conservative Party — remember who called an election specifically because the opposition had just elected a new leader? Remember who produced a web-ad insinuating a Conservative government would put “soldiers in the streets”?

And then they throw Stephane Dion at us, as if we’d believe he could be a Prime Minister. That was arrogance. We must vote for him to be Prime Minister because… oh, because he’s a Liberal. Okay. Can I have the scissors? Of course not.

But, it’s all over now. The Liberal Party might make a comeback, maybe ten or twenty years from now. And if John Manley, or the head of John Manley on the body of a robot, is in charge, I might even vote for them. That is, of course, if we’re still allowed to vote, what with the Liberal Party being out of power for so long, and Canadian democracy being so fragile.

The best gauge on whether or not the LPC “gets it” will be what they do with Justin Trudeau.

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Politics, Conservative Party of Canada, Eastern Ontario, Liberal Party of Canada, NDP of Canada, Politics, Quebec Politics, Vankleek Hill, Writing | 6 Comments

Vote Nobody and play the Wendy Mesley drinking game instead

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageGuelph graffiti

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I found this brilliant piece of awesomely cynical graffiti eleven years ago beside a Chinese restaurant in Guelph, Ontario.

Just like every election cycle as far back as I can remember there has been talk recently, mostly on CBCNN, about making voting mandatory. Or, at least, a consensus that those who refuse to get involved in the process should be beaten with their own shoes.

Australia has mandatory voting, but that makes sense, seeing as how they’re mostly alcoholics and real democracy takes a certain level of sobriety. Democracy doesn’t exist without the inalienable right for citizens, for whatever reason, to burn our ballots. Or stay home and play the Wendy Mesley* drinking game — when she’s on camera with Peter Mansbridge, and cringes at the memory of sleeping with him, you chug a beer. Make sure there’s a lot of beer available.

Then there’s the bizarre idea that, if someone doesn’t vote, they have no right to complain. Love to see how that could be enforced. I’ve never voted in a municipal election, but I still have the right to say my mayor is the latest in a line of idiots going back 85-years.

…he’s actually a nice guy.

I’ve been voting since 1988 when I, being eighteen-years old and unaware of the cliche, voted for whomever was representing Ed Broadbent in my riding.

I’ve spoiled one ballot, on purpose, since then. But I can’t remember which election. I do remember writing “this is a spoiled ballot” on both sides of the ballot. I even added the anarchist “A”, so I must have been in my early-20’s.

Spoiled ballots do get counted, but they’re put in the same file as the ballots that are unintentionally screwed up, and the numbers are not released. I get why they feel they can’t release the numbers, because sooner or later 51% of the returning ballots are going to have “fuck this shit” scrawled on them. And then you’ve got Belgium.

I did vote for the party whose main goal was to have 10,000 Yogic Flyers bouncing around Parliament Hill. The Natural Law Party of Canada believed the Flyers would create a bubble around Canada, sort of a shield of goodness, so we’d all be safe from the evils of the world outside.

Plus, they had Doug Henning. Seriously, how could they not win? I was living in Toronto, somewhere in Rosedale, and the party’s leader, Neil Paterson, ‘Governor-General of the Age of Enlightenment for North America’ and ‘Director of Financial Capital of Canada to Crown the Nation with Invincibility’, was running as one of my candidates.

That was the 2000 election, when the choices were Stockwell “new car smell” Day and Jean “I’m a dick” Chrétien. I’d still take 10,000 Yogic Flyers over either of those… lets go with douche bags.

Seriously, given the option, who wouldn’t?

The last few federal elections I’ve been voting against people, rather than for something. Which, other than voting because there’s a punishment if you don’t, I think is probably the worst reason to vote. But I’ve had a hate-on for ‘those people’ since 1997, so… once more into the voting booth.

…there are two doors, one’s blue and one’s orange. But there’s also the Wendy Mesley drinking game, where you take a shot every time she has to be on the screen with Peter Mansbridge*. Choose wisely. Or you could get a DVR.

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*Wendy is one of my favourite reporters…

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Politics, Conservative Party of Canada, Liberal Party of Canada, NDP of Canada, Politics, Writing | Leave a comment

The demolition of Vankleek Hill’s high school

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Collegiate Institute

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Vankleek Hill Collegiate Institute (ESVCI), the high school I occasionally attended, sometimes for days in a row, is being slowly and finally demolished.

When the school board finally announced Vankleek Hill would be getting a new school, to replace the one I attended, I think the general feeling in the village was relief. Not so much because of the state of VCI, but because the new school would be built on the same property as the old one. Just 200 feet back.

VCI Mark 3, still named VCI, was opened to students a few months ago. So far there haven’t been any major complaints. It is overpopulated, so four “portable” classrooms were installed, and there have been water leaks, but that’s what buckets are for.

The only real problem comes from the school board purposefully designing the school to hold fewer students than the current student population.

Their reasoning, at least publicly, was the projected population growth for this region was downwards, therefore why spend more money on more classes when they’ll just be empty in five years.

Behind closed doors, however, I believe the school board’s reasoning behind spending less money on a smaller school went something like “hey, if we build a smaller school we’ll spend less money”.

The only problem I have with the new school, other than a few reservations regarding the size, is the name. When I was a student the name of the high school was École secondaire Vankleek Hill Collegiate Institute, or ESVCI. Around 1987 the local school boards turned ESVCI into an English only high school, moving the French students to Hawkesbury.

So ESVCI became VCI. That still bothers me. When the new high school was announced there was a move to name it after Jack Potter, one of the better teachers at VCI, certainly one of the most popular, who had recently passed away.

I thought it was a decent idea. But naming it after the person who created Vankleek Hill, the person the town was named after, I thought would be a better idea. Maybe name the library after Jack. Or the smoking section.

VCI was actually named after the village of Vankleek Hill, so really it’s VKHCI. It’s interesting, at least to someone who lives here, that there is nothing in Vankleek Hill named after Simeon VanKleeck.

There’s a ‘Vankleek Hill Pharmacy’, a ‘VKH Convenience Store”, a few other things, but nothing named after Simeon or his wife, Cecilia Jaycox — which is equally weird as Cecilia owned and ran an inn, the first business in Vankleek Hill.

Right now the old VCI is becoming a hole in the landscape between the highway and the new school. The experiences of high school are one thing, about those I have good and not-so-good memories of, but I never really cared about the building. But the name should have some significance.

If we’re naming the school after the village, it seems natural to go one step further back in history and name it after the person who the village is named for.

Something like Simon Vankleek Collegiate Institute (SVCI), or a simpler Simon Vankleek High School, and maybe with a “l’école secondaire” tossed in for flair.

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Posted in Eastern Ontario, Hawkesbury, Reporting, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill History, Writing | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Victor takes his first walk

Posted on April 26, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Victor walking photo

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At the tender age of seventeen months, my son has started to walk.

He has taken short steps before, about a month ago he taught himself how to appear to be walking while actually falling to the floor with less urgency.

But on Friday, April 22, my girlfriend brought him into my apartment, stood him up in my living room, said something like “watch this”, and let go of his hands.

And Victor, with a huge smile, took about four steps, grabbed onto a kitchen chair, turned around and laughed.

He did it three or four more times, back and forth across my apartment floor. Unfortunately it was about the third or fourth time when I realized I wasn’t filming the event.

Diane has a camera at home, and she forgot to film it as well, so I’m not the only one.

We tried pretty much all day Saturday to get him to walk, but it’s not something I think he feels is entirely necessary yet. And he can be weirdly camera shy.

Well, we caught him on Sunday afternoon, so taa-daa…

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I’m not sure what happens next, but I’m probably going to need new shoes… and maybe a new knee.

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Posted in Eastern Ontario, Family, Parenthood, Parenting, Vankleek Hill, Victor's Week In Review, Writing | 2 Comments

Little Victor Update | Nothing but Victor

Posted on April 23, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Victor photo

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Victor has a new batch of teeth poking through his gums, it’s the pack… herd, flock, pride, whatever of molars we’ve been expecting ever since his gums turned white almost two months ago.

The random crying started last week, but pain got intense early this past week. When the inflammation and pain in his mouth is starts to rise, Victor’s cheeks get red and puffy, like it was a cold day and he was doing his Marlon Brando. But then there’s a whole other level of pain which, in grown-up terms, I think would be on par with a split tooth.

That’s when he starts grabbing and twisting his ears. It’s also when the crying gets piercing, and he can’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. Which means we can’t sleep. Diane has it worse than I do, because Victor is at his High Street apartment most nights.

It’s only when he’s up for a downtown experience that he’s at my place over night. Like right now.

When it gets this bad we use liquid Tylenol and OraGel, and it seems to take the edge off. The good news is he’s running out of spaces for teeth, so I think there’s only one more round for the poor kid to go through. After that, from what I’ve picked up from the Internet and magazines, it’s smooth sailing until he moves out. Nothing to look forward to but seventeen years of quiet bliss. Can’t wait.

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Because Diane is working moderately-full-time, Victor has been spending most of his daylight hours here in my apartment. Until now it’s been pretty easy, either he sleeps and I sleep, or he’s up and I’m sitting beside his playpen playing with him. But recently, since it kind of warmed up, we’ve been out on the balcony, where I’ll hold his hand and we’ll go for little jaunts from one end to the other.

The downside, I’m starting to understand, of giving him new places to roam, giving him new horizons, is he’s quicker to get bored just walking around in his playpen teaching each me funny noises.

He taught himself how to point months ago, so when he wants something, he’ll let you know. And, recently, most of his pointing is towards my front door.

When we’re out together with Diane, or with Diane and her oldest son, Andrew, I have no problem walking beside him, holding his hand as he stumbles along with his big clunky sneakers. But there’s something blocking me at the moment from taking him downstairs and out in his little buggy.

I think for awhile it was the winter weather combined with my broken, and diabetic, foot. Just getting up and down the thirty stairs necessary to get to my parking lot, while wearing a giant plastic space boot, on my own was a pain in the ass. Having a nearly thirty pound angry poo-badger slapping at my eyeball at the same time just seemed like an invitation, at best, to wheelchair sports.

And now it’s raining, and cold, and miserable, and my foot still hurts. I don’t know. I think, if we were left on our own, Victor and I would become cave people. Or Morlocks. I do like to walk, but my favourite time for walking has always been in the hours when the police are suspicious enough to stop and ask questions.

It turns out having a human being to raise is at least as good as therapy can be in getting rid of social anxiety problems. Or at least in forcing their parents to push past them.

We were getting out together regularly last summer… so maybe spending so much time indoors over the past few months was less anxiety and more not wanting to push a twenty-five pound rabid poo-badger up and down sidewalks covered in snowdrifts and enough ice to choke a Norwegian explorer.

As it stands now, other than contracting rickets due to a severe vitamin D deficiency, the other major problem with having Victor inside during the day is he can now stand up at will, and use the wall or bookcase as support so he can walk around. Which means he can either pull things out of other things, or down from higher things.

He’s had access to my coffee table for a while, yet somehow my PS3 has remained in place. But he knows what books are, and how to get inside them — to him it’s like peeling an orange — so he can get access to one of his favourite things… paper, which he loves to crumple and tear. The problem, of course, is I love books. Especially my books.

So, for the sake of my hardcovers, if not for Victor’s health, it’s outside we go.

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Photos Of Victor’s Week(s):

Victor thinking aboot boobs

Victor planning an event

Victor digging for books

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Posted in Family, Parenthood, Parenting, Vankleek Hill, Victor's Week In Review, Writing | Tagged | Leave a comment

Little Victor Update | Victori spolia

Posted on April 2, 2011 by Gabriel

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Victor photo

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For a lot of reasons this is the first update on my son in almost two months. Mostly the lack of updates is because I’ve been spending more time with Victor, which means less time for writing… or sleeping, and also because I’ve been spending my available writing time on my “other” blog.

Anyway. Explaining this stuff presupposes there’s actually an audience for this blog. Which, I hope, there isn’t. So…

Over the past six weeks there have been three major events in Victor’s life. He finally met his shorter and younger cousin, Victor then got really sick for a long time… I’m positive the former had nothing to do with the latter.

But the biggest change in Victor’s life is his mommy got herself a full time job, so now daddy is the primary caregiver… at least during the week.

Diane is working a line at a cheese factory near St. Eugene. Mostly she’s doing it for the money, but after spending almost two years trapped in the house, she was losing her mind. So, it’s minimum wage and all the cartons of Greek yogourt she can cram into her jacket.

She’s having a great time. All of the cliques on the shop floor are based on language… the Asians hang out with other Asians, Mexicans with Mexicans, the Quebecois French stick to themselves, the Ontario Francophones are on their own, then there’s the Greeks, and the maudit Anglais (Diane).

It gives her something to think about. And it fills up my days with Victor. Which is pretty cool.

When he’s awake, which is about 30% of the day, I’ll sit near his playpen and we’ll talk to each other while we play with his giant yellow ball, or the plastic container lids he likes to wave around. He also has a long cardboard tube that he likes to wave around like a giant two-handed sword.

When he starts pointing at stuff, like a doorknob or book, I’ll pick him up and take him to it. Once he’s tried to move whatever it was he’ll point somewhere else, and we’ll go around my apartment a few times. I try to take him outside a few times, just on the balcony, and he does the point thing out there as well.

His favourite thing, at the moment, is holding on to my neighbour’s steel wind-chimes.

He does talk. Just no real words. He’s using his hands to emphasize his points, the cadence sounds like someone speaking, and he has specific sounds that he uses for commands. Like, when he points and says “dat”, it means “bring me whatever that is”.

A few days ago I actually taught him to fetch stuff for me… I was a little fed up with getting stuff for him, so I pointed at something in his playpen, and said “dat”. And he looked at it, so I kept going. And, after a few minutes, he picked it up and brought it to me.

Suddenly I’m thinking this situation could work out better than I thought it would. Pretty soon Victor will be walking, so all I have to do is make sure the cans of Diet Coke are on the bottom shelf… “daddy want dat”.

I broke my foot a few weeks ago, so I haven’t really had the opportunity to take him anywhere in his little buggy, but next week we should be able to go places and do non-inside stuff.

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Victor was sick for a week with some kind of weird flu… bird, minotaur, pig, whatever. He had a really hard time breathing at night, with a river of snot pouring down his throat. There were a couple of times where he threw up buckets of mucous. And when he tried to drink from his bottle he’d gag because his nose was so stuffed, so he’d have to hold his breath.

The little dude was miserable. There was a lot of crying. Diane took him to the hospital in Alexandria, and they gave her some antibiotics. Victor loved the stuff, we dosed him with a syringe (orally, no needle) and, after a couple of times, he had his mouth already open when he saw what was going on.

Actually… by “gave her” I mean she had to pay for them out of her pocket because she has no health plan, and the Ministry in charge of us disabled people won’t let me put Victor on my account.

Anyway, Victor is better. The flu broke this past week, and he’s been eating like he’d been starving for a week. I think it was Tuesday when he went through five or six bottles of formula, a small jar of mushed stuff, some tapioca pudding and some cookies in just a few hours.

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Victor met his youngest cousin in February. My brother and his wife brought Chase, their first child, to Vankleek Hill for a visit. It took about five minutes for Victor to take a swing at Chase… unfortunately the visit took place right in the middle of Victor’s “slapping phase”.

Victor had been slapping and punching Diane and I for about a week before Chase showed up. With Diane it was usually a punch to her nose, with me it was my eye. With Chase, for some reason, it was the ear.

Mom managed to get a photo of one of the punches, Victor actually lunged at Chase, but when she showed my grandfather he deleted it… or tried to, which I thought was an LOL moment.

I have one photo of Victor poking Chase in his ear, which Chase didn’t really seem to register. The two boys, once they were in the playpen together, got along great. Or, at least, they stayed out of each others way.

Chase is adorable. He’s half Victor’s age, and about half Victor’s size. His parents dress him formally, apparently every day, including a little bow tie. My brother says it’s “Chase’s thing”.

After visiting for a couple of hours Diane and I had to leave the event early, so we could pick up her oldest son from a birthday party.

…hopefully they’ll have many more opportunities to throw down.

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Photos Of Victor’s Week(s):

Victor seeing the wind

Victor waking up

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Posted in Eastern Ontario, Family, Parenthood, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos, Victor, Victor's Week In Review, Writing | Tagged , | Leave a comment