Little Victor Update | Nothing but Victor

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Victor photo

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Victor has a new batch of teeth poking through his gums, it’s the pack… herd, flock, pride, whatever of molars we’ve been expecting ever since his gums turned white almost two months ago.

The random crying started last week, but pain got intense early this past week. When the inflammation and pain in his mouth is starts to rise, Victor’s cheeks get red and puffy, like it was a cold day and he was doing his Marlon Brando. But then there’s a whole other level of pain which, in grown-up terms, I think would be on par with a split tooth.

That’s when he starts grabbing and twisting his ears. It’s also when the crying gets piercing, and he can’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. Which means we can’t sleep. Diane has it worse than I do, because Victor is at his High Street apartment most nights.

It’s only when he’s up for a downtown experience that he’s at my place over night. Like right now.

When it gets this bad we use liquid Tylenol and OraGel, and it seems to take the edge off. The good news is he’s running out of spaces for teeth, so I think there’s only one more round for the poor kid to go through. After that, from what I’ve picked up from the Internet and magazines, it’s smooth sailing until he moves out. Nothing to look forward to but seventeen years of quiet bliss. Can’t wait.

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Because Diane is working moderately-full-time, Victor has been spending most of his daylight hours here in my apartment. Until now it’s been pretty easy, either he sleeps and I sleep, or he’s up and I’m sitting beside his playpen playing with him. But recently, since it kind of warmed up, we’ve been out on the balcony, where I’ll hold his hand and we’ll go for little jaunts from one end to the other.

The downside, I’m starting to understand, of giving him new places to roam, giving him new horizons, is he’s quicker to get bored just walking around in his playpen teaching each me funny noises.

He taught himself how to point months ago, so when he wants something, he’ll let you know. And, recently, most of his pointing is towards my front door.

When we’re out together with Diane, or with Diane and her oldest son, Andrew, I have no problem walking beside him, holding his hand as he stumbles along with his big clunky sneakers. But there’s something blocking me at the moment from taking him downstairs and out in his little buggy.

I think for awhile it was the winter weather combined with my broken, and diabetic, foot. Just getting up and down the thirty stairs necessary to get to my parking lot, while wearing a giant plastic space boot, on my own was a pain in the ass. Having a nearly thirty pound angry poo-badger slapping at my eyeball at the same time just seemed like an invitation, at best, to wheelchair sports.

And now it’s raining, and cold, and miserable, and my foot still hurts. I don’t know. I think, if we were left on our own, Victor and I would become cave people. Or Morlocks. I do like to walk, but my favourite time for walking has always been in the hours when the police are suspicious enough to stop and ask questions.

It turns out having a human being to raise is at least as good as therapy can be in getting rid of social anxiety problems. Or at least in forcing their parents to push past them.

We were getting out together regularly last summer… so maybe spending so much time indoors over the past few months was less anxiety and more not wanting to push a twenty-five pound rabid poo-badger up and down sidewalks covered in snowdrifts and enough ice to choke a Norwegian explorer.

As it stands now, other than contracting rickets due to a severe vitamin D deficiency, the other major problem with having Victor inside during the day is he can now stand up at will, and use the wall or bookcase as support so he can walk around. Which means he can either pull things out of other things, or down from higher things.

He’s had access to my coffee table for a while, yet somehow my PS3 has remained in place. But he knows what books are, and how to get inside them — to him it’s like peeling an orange — so he can get access to one of his favourite things… paper, which he loves to crumple and tear. The problem, of course, is I love books. Especially my books.

So, for the sake of my hardcovers, if not for Victor’s health, it’s outside we go.

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Photos Of Victor’s Week(s):

Victor thinking aboot boobs

Victor planning an event

Victor digging for books

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Little Victor Update | Victori spolia

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill Victor photo

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For a lot of reasons this is the first update on my son in almost two months. Mostly the lack of updates is because I’ve been spending more time with Victor, which means less time for writing… or sleeping, and also because I’ve been spending my available writing time on my “other” blog.

Anyway. Explaining this stuff presupposes there’s actually an audience for this blog. Which, I hope, there isn’t. So…

Over the past six weeks there have been three major events in Victor’s life. He finally met his shorter and younger cousin, Victor then got really sick for a long time… I’m positive the former had nothing to do with the latter.

But the biggest change in Victor’s life is his mommy got herself a full time job, so now daddy is the primary caregiver… at least during the week.

Diane is working a line at a cheese factory near St. Eugene. Mostly she’s doing it for the money, but after spending almost two years trapped in the house, she was losing her mind. So, it’s minimum wage and all the cartons of Greek yogourt she can cram into her jacket.

She’s having a great time. All of the cliques on the shop floor are based on language… the Asians hang out with other Asians, Mexicans with Mexicans, the Quebecois French stick to themselves, the Ontario Francophones are on their own, then there’s the Greeks, and the maudit Anglais (Diane).

It gives her something to think about. And it fills up my days with Victor. Which is pretty cool.

When he’s awake, which is about 30% of the day, I’ll sit near his playpen and we’ll talk to each other while we play with his giant yellow ball, or the plastic container lids he likes to wave around. He also has a long cardboard tube that he likes to wave around like a giant two-handed sword.

When he starts pointing at stuff, like a doorknob or book, I’ll pick him up and take him to it. Once he’s tried to move whatever it was he’ll point somewhere else, and we’ll go around my apartment a few times. I try to take him outside a few times, just on the balcony, and he does the point thing out there as well.

His favourite thing, at the moment, is holding on to my neighbour’s steel wind-chimes.

He does talk. Just no real words. He’s using his hands to emphasize his points, the cadence sounds like someone speaking, and he has specific sounds that he uses for commands. Like, when he points and says “dat”, it means “bring me whatever that is”.

A few days ago I actually taught him to fetch stuff for me… I was a little fed up with getting stuff for him, so I pointed at something in his playpen, and said “dat”. And he looked at it, so I kept going. And, after a few minutes, he picked it up and brought it to me.

Suddenly I’m thinking this situation could work out better than I thought it would. Pretty soon Victor will be walking, so all I have to do is make sure the cans of Diet Coke are on the bottom shelf… “daddy want dat”.

I broke my foot a few weeks ago, so I haven’t really had the opportunity to take him anywhere in his little buggy, but next week we should be able to go places and do non-inside stuff.

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Victor was sick for a week with some kind of weird flu… bird, minotaur, pig, whatever. He had a really hard time breathing at night, with a river of snot pouring down his throat. There were a couple of times where he threw up buckets of mucous. And when he tried to drink from his bottle he’d gag because his nose was so stuffed, so he’d have to hold his breath.

The little dude was miserable. There was a lot of crying. Diane took him to the hospital in Alexandria, and they gave her some antibiotics. Victor loved the stuff, we dosed him with a syringe (orally, no needle) and, after a couple of times, he had his mouth already open when he saw what was going on.

Actually… by “gave her” I mean she had to pay for them out of her pocket because she has no health plan, and the Ministry in charge of us disabled people won’t let me put Victor on my account.

Anyway, Victor is better. The flu broke this past week, and he’s been eating like he’d been starving for a week. I think it was Tuesday when he went through five or six bottles of formula, a small jar of mushed stuff, some tapioca pudding and some cookies in just a few hours.

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Victor met his youngest cousin in February. My brother and his wife brought Chase, their first child, to Vankleek Hill for a visit. It took about five minutes for Victor to take a swing at Chase… unfortunately the visit took place right in the middle of Victor’s “slapping phase”.

Victor had been slapping and punching Diane and I for about a week before Chase showed up. With Diane it was usually a punch to her nose, with me it was my eye. With Chase, for some reason, it was the ear.

Mom managed to get a photo of one of the punches, Victor actually lunged at Chase, but when she showed my grandfather he deleted it… or tried to, which I thought was an LOL moment.

I have one photo of Victor poking Chase in his ear, which Chase didn’t really seem to register. The two boys, once they were in the playpen together, got along great. Or, at least, they stayed out of each others way.

Chase is adorable. He’s half Victor’s age, and about half Victor’s size. His parents dress him formally, apparently every day, including a little bow tie. My brother says it’s “Chase’s thing”.

After visiting for a couple of hours Diane and I had to leave the event early, so we could pick up her oldest son from a birthday party.

…hopefully they’ll have many more opportunities to throw down.

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Photos Of Victor’s Week(s):

Victor seeing the wind

Victor waking up

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Posted in Eastern Ontario, Family, Parenthood, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos, Victor, Victor's Week In Review, Writing | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Little Victor Update | The finger

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo

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My son has learned the eternal and universal symbol for the concept of “I want”… he has learned to point, which he does a lot now. Pointing is quickly followed by him looking up at you with his huge blue eyes, and say “uhwa too?”, or something like that.

I believe the literal translation of “uhwa too” is “my crazy daddy says what?” because, when I reply “what?”, he just laughs.

How we all evolved to this point is obvious, in retrospect.

Over the past month or two he had taught himself how to throw his toys, either out of his playpen, or from the platform around his ExcerSaucer, to the point where he can now get some pretty decent distance between himself and his lighter toys.

Throwing for distance, however, is not replacing his other means of clearing his space, he still stacks things when he has a chance, he still pushes toys and bits of food off his tray, he’ll still pick something up drop it to the floor, then lean way over to see if it still exists.

So, for the past few months, Victor has been training Diane and I by throwing an object, then waiting for us to bring it back to him. Now we’ve moved to the next step in our training, and that’s bringing back only specified items.

Sometimes it gets a little confused, like he’ll point to a non-toy item, like a book or a cat, and say “uhwa too”, but that just gets weird because there’s no way I’m giving him my copy of Georges Conchon’s ‘The Hollow Victory’.

Or sometimes he’ll point to an item then, if you’re not fast enough in reaching for it, he’ll point to something else just to confuse matters… does he want both, or first one then the other? This is how I spend my days now, interpreting the hand gestures of a fourteen-month old baby.

And misinterpretation is not always treated with patience. Most of the time he’ll reset, then point again, treating us like the simpletons we are. But sometimes he’ll raise his voice, jump around in his ExcerSaucer / tank turret, and wave madly around in circles.

But then he’ll regain his composure, look up at me and point again at whatever he wanted, and ask “crazy daddy says what?”.

I think the next step is him actually resorting to use our language to make things clear to us. Most babies I know of eventually get to the “want that” stage. I’m sure the use of constant repetition, as a teaching tool, will only serve to educate us faster.

There’s a video below.

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Once again Victor is under assault from his ancient enamel adversaries. It’s not going well. Victor has six teeth now (including four that make it obvious there’s some beaver genes in the kid), and it looks like seven through ten are pushing through.

Victor doesn’t cry often, and he definitely never cries without a reason. Sometimes interpreting those reasons can be difficult, to the point where we basically go down the list of recurring grievances: diaper, toys, bottle, nap time, cranky the Senators suck.

But when it’s his teeth there are actual physical signs we can look for, specifically the size and colour of his cheeks. He’ll also have a bit of a fever as well.

For the past few days Victor has had a really difficult time getting to sleep, and then staying asleep. The OraJel has helped, and we’ve given him a 1.5mL hit of liquid Tylenol to take the edge off on a couple of nights.

His breathing has been pretty rough for a few days as well, nothing to do with the teeth, he’s had a bit of nose-cold since Wednesday-ish. So last night I finally broke out the humidifier I received as a gift three or four years ago.

Twenty minutes later both he and his mother stopped snoring and I was able to sleep, finally.

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Speaking of the health of Victor’s daddy… for the past three weeks I’ve been putting up with an infection in my left eye. It seems to run in a four day on, two day off cycle.

Basically, for four days it gets progressively more painful, more swollen, more leaky, and my vision gets blurry. Then, over the next two days, the pain goes away and it deflates. At this point I might give it a name.

It has gotten better for a longer period of time, right now there’s still some leakage but only some mild itchiness. The corner does feel stiff, but the pain and swelling is gone. For now. I’ve promised Diane that I’ll see a doctor if it comes back… or gets worse again, I guess.

I’ve also been limping for a month, thanks to some diabetes-related pain in my right foot. It’s a burning pain plus, when I twist my foot, it also feels like a vice is being tightened… or someone hitting me with a hammer. Or something. I think what I’m trying to say is it’s painful.

It gets significantly worse when I’m walking on snowy sidewalks. The pain also shoots up to my knee when I walk.

I’d like it to go away, but it isn’t. I guess it probably will when I get the prosthetic. I should probably see a doctor and start eating twelve-grain bread.

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Video Of Victor’s Week:

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Photos Of Victor’s Week:

Victor with Mommy

Victor with Daddy

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Diabetes, Entertainment, Parenthood, Parenting, poverty, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review, Writing, YouTube Alert | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Little Victor Update | Time for a walk

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo Victor walking

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Victor has decided he’d like to go for a walk. It’s possible this could be a simple youthful phase he’ll eventually work himself through, like wanting to learn Latin or voting for the NDP, but so far he seems pretty serious about getting somewhere.

So far he can stand on his own, and walk beside one of us as we hold his hand. But he has definitely taken a few steps on his own.

This is how it happened:

First Victor learned how to flip from his back to his belly;

Then, in August-ish, he started to crawl;

While we were outside taking photos of Victor in the fall leaves, Diane held both of his hands and showed him how to put one foot in front of the other;

He started to use the sides of his crib and playpen to pull himself up to a standing position;

Then he learned how to fall properly (ie: not landing on his face), by twisting his body so his hands hit the ground first;

Then he figured out how to shuffle his hands and feet so he could walk inside of the crib/playpen using the bar for support;

Next was learning to balance using one hand on the bar;

After that came stretching from one object to another, like from a coffee table to his excersaucer, so he had to let go with one hand and fall to the other object with the other;

And then, just to mess with us, he started taking his pants off… like, I’d change him into clean pants, then turn around to get his socks and turn back to see him dancing in his playpen with no pants on;

About this time he also started standing up in his crib / playpen, and supporting himself only using his front teeth by biting the bar;

Then, about a week ago, Diane came walking out of the bedroom holding Victor’s hand, and Victor had a big smile and was putting one foot in front of the other. For most of the trip, however, it looked like Victor was pulling Diane.

The one thing he hasn’t figured out yet, thank God, is how to raise himself from a sit or crawl position, directly into a standing one, without using something to pull himself up with. Diane has seen him standing unassisted in the playpen though, but she’s pretty sure he got there by climbing.

All I know is, at this rate, by March he’ll be flying. At least levitating.

He has only taken a handful of steps on his own, but that’s what a beginning is.

It’s still surprising how steady his legs are when he’s standing. I have a video from just three weeks ago where Victor was standing up, using a coffee table to steady himself, and he was still having real problems unlocking his knees so he could get back to the floor.

A few days ago Victor and Diane went for another walk around my apartment, and she let go and stood back a little and Victor managed, with very little effort, to stand all on his own.

So, on two separate occasions that I know of, Victor has stood on his own, and taken a few steps… and neither time did he ask if I wanted anything from the kitchen.

We’ve come so far together, but there’s still so much further to go.

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Victor is also stacking things, like his cereal puffs and toys. If his excersaucer is parked too close to a chair or coffee table he’ll gently stack his stuff, so it’s out of his way.

At the same time Victor has also learned how to throw for distance. Until now he’ll take a toy that’s in his way and just drop it off his excersaucer, then lean over and look to see where it landed. But now he can toss that same toy nearly across the room. It does make him happy.

But he does share. If he’s eating his cereal snacks, and you hold your hand out, he’ll make sure you get a cereal puff as well. At first he’d hand you a piece of dry cereal, only to come back a second later and take it back. But now he’ll wait for you to eat it.

He’ll be in his excersaucer, and just stop everything to watch you put the light-as-air puff into your mouth, then jump around smiling like he just watched the greatest thing ever.

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One weird thing he’s been doing for a while now is… he’ll be in his excersaucer or highchair, look up directly at a ceiling light, stretch his head and neck towards it, put his arms in the air with his palms up, and make a duck face with his lips.

Sometimes he makes little vibration noises. It looks like he’s giving a shout-out to an Aztec god. I have a couple of photos of him doing it, but I really want a video.

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Photos Of Victor’s (Walking) Week:

Victor standing

Victor leading

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Bonus Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor with Daddy

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Family, Health, Little Victor, Parenthood, Parenting, Photography, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review, Writing | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Using boiling water to make snow on a -25C sick day

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill sick day

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Someone in the Northwest Territories uploaded a video to YouTube showing how to make snow with boiling water… I know, finally someone found a use for the Internet besides spreading Mayan propaganda and killing off the music industry.

Basically a woman in Yellowknife, with her Australian friend filming her, poured boiling water into a measuring cup and then threw the water into the -30C air.

Instantly the water became a white cloud, which I think was just the steam coming off the airborne hot water, but on the way down the water flash-froze and became trails of snow.

One of the 2.9 million people who watched the short film left a comment describing the science behind the experiment, but all I can remember is it has to be done when it’s nut-cracking / ovary-shattering cold. I should probably start taking notes again.

So after watching it a few times I boiled some water and, at 3am, threw it off my balcony. And it turned into snow. Then I did it four or five more times.

The next day I showed off to my girlfriend and her oldest son, who was home sick with a head cold. They were both impressed.

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YouTube Warning: horizontal stripes add forty pounds.

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According to the Weather Network the Vankleek Hill region hit a frosty -25C when I was showing off. But for the next few weeks we’ll be flirting with par, weather wise. So it’s basically time to break out the T-shirts and shorts, and any further experimentation might have to wait until next year.

Which sucks… because *I just figured out how to make it infinitely more awesome*.

…add a touch of food colouring, or your favourite Kool-Aid colour, I just did it with strawberry. So basically I just shot two Litres of boiling red water off my second floor balcony, and in less than a second it turned into a giant, floating blood-pink mist.

Just like what I frequently imagine a real-world Grand Theft Auto IV would look like.

I’m pretty sure if my neighbours saw me doing it they’d be calling the police. I’m going to try it again during the sunrise. Science… fun.

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Posted in Canadian Inventions, Entertainment, Family Events, Humor, Humour, Photography, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos, Writing, YouTube Alert | Tagged | 4 Comments

Canadian Inventions — Hollywood

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill cat

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A long time ago in a state far, far away… and at least sixty years before Scientology took over, Hollywood was invented by Canadians.

Mary Pickford, who starred in 248 movies between 1909 and 1950 as well as co-founding United Artists Studios, was a Canadian. So was Jack Warner who, along with his four brothers, founded Warner Brothers Studio, and then there was Louis B. Mayer who, along with his brother (also a Canadian), founded MGM Studios. Funny how no one offers this as proof that Canadians rule the world.

By 1930, three of the six major studios were either founded, owned outright, or run by Canadian immigrants to the Unites States.

Admittedly, calling the Mayer brothers “Canadian” might be a bit of a stretch. Louis was born in 1884 in the Ukraine, immigrated to Rhode Island, then, when Louis was ten, the family moved to New Brunswick where they were embraced in the Canadian ethos of equality and understanding… no, wait, Louis and his siblings were beaten up nearly every day by the locals, because they were Jewish.

In 1904, at the age of nineteen, he managed to get out of New Brunswick, with all of his teeth still where they were supposed to be. And went into business for himself, eventually owning five movie theatres across New England.

In 1916 Louis moved into the movie distribution business, and created Metro Pictures Corporation. Two years later he formed the Louis B. Mayer Pictures Corporation. After a series of mergers the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studio was formed. Very early on, Louis was actually screwed out of an ownership position, instead he became MGM’s studio boss for close to thirty years.

“As a studio boss, Louis B. Mayer built MGM into the most financially successful motion picture studio in the world and the only one to pay dividends throughout the Great Depression of the 1930s…” — Wikipedia: Louis B. Mayer

By 1936, Mayer was actually the highest paid person living in the United States… obviously the tools he developed in his early boyhood while living in New Brunswick, like dodging bottles, came in handy.

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It’s a lot harder to understand how Jack Warner and Mary Pickford have been referred to as Americans, because they were actually born in Canada.

Jack was born in London, Ontario in 1892. But the Warner family moved to the United States two years later. In 1910, Jack got into the movie business with his four brothers, and in 1918 they formed Warner Brothers.

Later, in 1950, in one of the greatest over the top moments of excessive douchebaggery in the industry’s history, Jack actually deceived his brothers into selling their Warner Brothers shares to him by creating a proxy company, then urging his brothers to sell to the proxy, giving Jack complete control over the movie studio.

Warner was quite possibly the first “Hollywood bastard”, because he also cheated on his wife, married the new girl and disowned his son when he objected, even refusing to later attend his funeral.

In 1947, Warner also “named names” (so did Mayer) at the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC), thereby crushing the careers of at least a dozen screenwriters, and giving respectability to McCarthy’s “Red under every bed” fantasies.

Warner was also a staunch supporter of Richard Milhouse Nixon, and he supported the Vietnam War until the end.

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But then, thankfully, there was the near-angelic Mary “Canada’s Sweetheart” Pickford. Mary was born Gladys Marie Smith in 1892, in Toronto, which is still technically part of Canada.

Her road to Hollywood was more pedestrian than Jack or Louis’ was. Mary started acting as a child in Toronto, and ended up as part of a travelling troupe working her way across the United States.

In 1913 she signed with the studio which would soon become Paramount Pictures. Her movies were constantly among the top grossing films of their time, and back then they were pumping out about ten a day. She was considered the most recognizable woman in the world, as well as the most powerful woman in the movie world, as a human being she was second only to Charlie Chaplin.

In 1919, Mary, along with Chaplin, Douglas Fairbanks and D.W. Griffith — one of the greatest directors of all time — formed the United Artists film studio. The studio, they believed, would give them greater decision making ability in their careers as writers, directors and actors.

As with most businesses started by artists, this was almost immediately a financial failure. The group was out of money and ideas by 1924, and Griffith had left the group.

United Artists flailed around for two decades, then in 1941 Mary, along with Chaplin, Orson Welles, David O. Selznick, Walt Disney, and others, formed the Society of Independent Motion Picture Producers as a way to regain control over their product from the studio system — re: Louis B. Mayer and Jack Warner.

At the time the studios controlled everything from the production, to the distribution and exhibition of films… including the theatres themselves. So, if you were an independent producer there was no chance your film could be exhibited.

In 1942 the US Supreme Court ruled in favour of Mary and her rabble-rouser’s, and the studio system was effectively shot in the heart.

Mary sold her shares in United Artists in 1956.

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So… Canada’s influence on the creation of Hollywood:

1. MGM, for decades, was the most powerful movie studio in North America thanks to a guy who, as a child and living in Canada, was regularly beaten up by Canadian bigots and anti-Semites.

2. Warner Brothers was created and run by Canadian brothers, who gave us Daffy Duck and Bugs Bunny, and free campaign services for Nixon.

3. United Artists, started out as the anti-studio movie studio but is currently a subsidiary of MGM (which is in bankruptcy proceedings).

So Canadians were instrumental in creating the Studio System, and then responsible for breaking that same system down and giving actors, directors, writers, grips and best boys control over where they worked. Basically, like baseball and hockey players in later decades, the Talent became free agents.

This eventually allowed ambitious, but not necessarily overly talented people, such as Tom Cruise*, to receive $25 million per movie up front, as well as a substantial slice of the movie’s residuals… which, in 2006, gave Tom the freedom and finances to purchase a substantial stake in United Artists Studios.

…yeah, you’re welcome world.

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*Tom, by the way, lived in Ottawa, Canada, for a few years, leaving at the age of twelve when his mother divorced his father. I’m not sure if Tom was ever beaten up by Canadian anti-Scientologists.

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Other Canadian Inventions: Wonderbra; Pacemaker; Instant Replay; The Lightbulb; Lithium & Alkaline Batteries; Insulin; Radio… yes, radio; Basketball; Pablum…

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Inventions, Entertainment, Humor, Humour, Vankleek Hill Photos, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments