Little Victor Sunday Update | Zucchini and the Beeping thing

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I’m not sure what Victor will be interested in when he’s a little older. My grandfather asked me this week what sports my girlfriend and I will enroll Victor in, I really didn’t have an answer, and when I said “soccer… I guess, and hockey”, it just felt silly.

But if repetition is one of the keys to education, then after this past week Victor is well on his way to growing up to be attracted to trucks driving in reverse.

The building my girlfriend and I live in is right next to the only intersection in Vankleek Hill with traffic lights. The municipality replaced the old ones a few years ago with shiny high-tech ones complete with sound beacons so people who are visually disabled can safely cross the street.

The problem is, since there was a power outage over a week ago, the sound beacon won’t stop sending out its electronic pulse. For thirty seconds of every minute, twenty-four hours a day, the frigging thing just keeps beeping.

I’m not actually sure if the noise is as frustrating for Victor as it is for his mommy and I. Loud noises intrigue him… when we’re hanging out on my balcony and the motorcycles or maxed out cars take off from the intersection, he’ll always turn his head out of curiosity towards the noise.

My girlfriend also has a tiny, but very excitable dog, and Victor has no problem when the thing is yapping away right next to his ear.

Diane called the Champlain Township office late last week about the beacon, and was told the problem had been fixed. After she told them it hadn’t been, they promised to send another crew out… but haven’t, yet. An acquaintance of mine, who lives just on the other side of the intersection, also called and was told everything was working the way it should… that the beacon was supposed to go off like it is.

So on Saturday, at about 3am, I took my camera out to record it, and this is what Victor, Andrew, Diane and I have been living with for the past week… try watching for the full three minutes (you need speakers):

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Long before Victor came around, and way before Luc had Chase, we’d talk about what we wanted our kids to do as they grew up. Mostly it came down to stuff which would make our future kids better hockey players — like martial arts for the flexibility.

But now that Victor is here I have no idea. I haven’t even really been able to visualize the little guy as much more than the natural evolution of formula-guzzling human beings he’s presenting himself as now.

Victor’s food trials continued this week. Zucchini, apples with cinnamon, and mixed vegetables with pears were all on his menu this week.

Andrew, Victor’s older brother, started T-Ball last week, so this week Diane and I took Victor to see him in action. Andrew can hit the ball well, but once he’s on base he’ll play the ball as though he were on defence. He almost got a solo double-play against his own team.

Sports with 4-year olds is a lot like herding kittens.

Victor and his brother both had rashes and diarrhoea this week. But after some bed rest, vaseline and (for Andrew) chicken soup they’re both much better now. Unfortunately now Diane is starting to feel under the weather. On the plus side, I mostly feel great.

I figure this video of Victor and Cooler hanging out should make up for the hell I’m sure everyone went through listening to the beeping thing outside our windows:

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At night, when I’m walking around, I can hear the beeping all over town, so if anyone in the Vankleek Hill area feels like helping (or from anywhere, really), the general number for Champlain Township is 613.678.3003. You’d be inquiring as to why the sound beacon on the crosswalk from the fire station to the music store has not been fixed yet (I’ll update this when it is)*.

*it’s fixed. The 5W’s are in the comments.

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Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

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Posted in Canada, Champlain Township, CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Entertainment, Family, Parenthood, Parenting, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , | 4 Comments

Life got so bad during the Great Depression people were actually fooled into thinking Corn Flakes had flavour

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I’ve been spending a lot of time in the archives of The Review*, the 117-year old, Vankleek Hill-based weekly broadsheet newspaper — I’m writing a series of pieces on how the people in my village survived the Great Depression**.

The good news is, most of them did. At least so far, I’ve only just finished with the issues from 1929 and 1930, I still have to get to 1936 before I know for sure.

The weird news is, they were also going through the first serious attempts by corporations to use mass media to sell crap to naive people who only wanted to listen to Amos & Andy, or read about whose niece was visiting town from Ottawa for the week.

Last year I researched the effects of the 1918 Spanish Flu on the Vankleek Hill region, and it was actually the advertising that told most of the story. Tonics and potions from 1917 that were advertised as cold remedies with superpowers, were repackaged as cures for the Spanish Flu by the fall of 1918.

It was the same stuff, same package, same illustrated and weirdly happy face attached to the copy, just new claims.

I’ve found a lot of advertising so far this time that’s worth taking a look at on it’s own… mostly this time it’s the banks who are telling the story, as they desperately try to get people to invest their money in a savings account. Or the mining company’s using fairly sophisticated advertorials to sell stock.

Then there are the odd ones, including one from Kellogg’s claiming “Corn Flakes” are “One of the finest dishes you ever tasted!”. I’m not sure a better case could be made for a consumer protection agency.

This is the copy from the ad:

Flavor

You don’t know how much flavor you can add to breakfast till you fill a bowl with crisp Kellogg’s Corn Flakes, pour on milk or cream and add fruits or honey. One of the finest dishes you ever tasted!

Kellogg’s Corn Flakes

This is the smaller print:

More than 12,000,000 people daily demand Kellogg’s Corn Flakes because of that famous Kellogg flavor!

Enjoy Kellogg’s for lunch as well as breakfast. Just try a bowlful late at night!

Look for the red-and-green package at your grocer’s. It brings you oven fresh Kellogg’s Corn Flakes in the patented inner sealed waxtite wrapper. Served by hotels, cafeteria’s — on diners. Made by Kellogg in London, Ontario.

I’ve got a bunch of stuff from the archives that are just odd — a photo of a 3-year old boy smoking a cigar, for example — that I’ll leave here over the next few weeks.

*Back in the day “The Review” was known as The Eastern Ontario Review.

**I wrote a post about a book called “Ten Lost Years: Memories of Canadians Who Survived The [Great] Depression” (1973) by Barry Broadfoot… it has to be one of the best books written about that era of Canadian history. If you’re interested, it has a few excerpts, as well as directions on how to find a copy.

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Posted in Advertising, Canada, Eastern Ontario, Entertainment, globalization, Reporting, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill History | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Little Victor Sunday Update | New cousin new food new poo

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This week Victor lost the distinction of being the youngest member of my family… and gained a cousin.

Chase Holden Landriault was born on Wednesday, July 14, at 3am. This is the first child for his parents, my sister-in-law Joan, and Luc, my little brother.

Holden comes from Catcher In The Rye, I’m not sure where Chase comes from, but I do know the initials “CH” stand for “Club de hockey Canadien” (Montreal Canadiens).

Hopefully Luc’s wife, a serious Toronto Maple Leaf fanatic, never finds out.

I’m sure, when Chase is old enough, his big cousin will tell him all about the Ottawa Senators.

Victor’s great-grandfather is home from the hospital after a week long stay. My grandfather, who is 88-years old, had a “mild” heart attack last weekend, and the doctor’s inserted a stent into one of his arteries — it had been 95% blocked, which isn’t good. They were going to insert more, but decided he was in excellent shape and could get by on using a few pills.

My grandfather plays 36 holes of golf every week. He’s only been using a cart for the past couple of years, and there are a couple of par-5 holes where he watches the other three players and takes a ‘7’, but twice a week he’s out there.

Hopefully the two Victors can get together later on today (Monday).

We don’t know how much Victor weighs right now — at the last weigh-in he was at 17lbs 13ozs, and gaining 1/4lb per week. So he should be over 18lbs by now. What we do know is Victor’s poo has definitely moved into a whole new category. It’s basically becoming Play-Doh, but it’s not so much fun when it’s squeezing out.

It probably has something to do with his newish diet. I didn’t feed him the hard stuff this week, I was strictly formula and juice detail, but Diane has been feeding him all kinds of new veggies, fruits and animal byproducts. Diane has also taught Victor, and I think this is just amazing, to feed himself with a spoon.

There are photos. It’s the funniest thing.

Victor has also moved on from simply picking something up and jamming it straight into his mouth. Now he actually takes time to focus on the object first — almost like he’s gauging if it’ll fit, then he jams it into his mouth.

…Diane, by the way, sleep walks when she hears Victor start fussing in his crib. It just happened. It’s kind of weird.

A few days ago Victor and I were hanging out for a few hours while Diane was working at the store, and he looked at me and made a noise like “dahdah” three times in about a second. Made my heart skip. Then he made car engine sounds for about five minutes.

Diane’s back in bed now. I asked her about the new foods but all I got was “mumblemum… ble”. We were in Ottawa on Saturday night for shawarma and to see “Inception”, so I just asked her “what’s the combination to the safe?”. Go see the movie and you’ll see why that’s funny.

Victor is also grabbing his toes now. He’s trying to bring them to his mouth, but his feet won’t cooperate. It’s like the bottom half and the top half just aren’t working together at all. Like they have their own agendas.

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Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Entertainment, Family, Parenthood, Parenting, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , | 2 Comments

In a moment of dark irony armed robbers and a broken down bus full of Liberals cross paths near Vankleek Hill

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On Monday morning, July 12, around 10am, two armed men walked into the Proxim Pharmacy on Main Street, Vankleek Hill, and demanded prescription painkillers. The pharmacy was full of customers, but no one was physically hurt.

The two brainiacs left a few minutes later with enough OxyContin and HydromorphContin to make spending the next six years in jail, and giving a dozen innocent people night terrors for years, make sense, I’m sure.

The two very, very stupid men, were spotted by a local restaurant worker pacing between their car and the pharmacy for several minutes before the robbery. She knew something was wrong and when they left the crime scene, she quickly wrote down their licence plate number and called the police.

The cops stopped the car and arrested a man and a woman just outside Grenville, Quebec. There was no sign of the drugs, or of the second man.

Grenville is a village just across the bridge from Hawkesbury, Ontario, a small city where, just a day earlier, the Liberal Party of Canada dispatched their leader in a bus which would, after all the speeches were done, break down near Vankleek Hill, on it’s way to Cornwall.

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff is on a cross-Canada bus tour giving Canadians one last chance to love him as much as the Liberal delegates at the leadership convention who voted him in as leader. No… wait, something about that feels wrong somehow.

So the Liberal Party of Canada dispatched their leader directly to the poorest region in Canada (off reserve), where he announces the policy initiatives which will be the cornerstone of his tour.

According to the official site for Julie Bourgeois, the poorly named Liberal candidate for Glengarry-Prescott-Russell, the topics for discussion in Hawkesbury included:

“The core message… is simple… a Liberal government will freeze corporate tax rates and generate savings of $5-6 billion a year. The Liberals will reinvest these savings in deficit reduction and initiatives that address the challenges we face as a country… including literacy, training and innovation; health, pensions and home care; clean energy, the environment and trade China and India.”

Here’s the connection between the two events. This is the poorest (again, off reserve) region in Canada. That means drug and alcohol addictions, that means mental illnesses go untreated, that means illiteracy and learning disorders, that means abuses.

And thanks to thirty years of successive federal and provincial governments all of that has become just a background hum around here. It’s the hum of power lines in the suburbs of Toronto and Ottawa. It’s always there, but eventually you just live with the smell of crack or weed or you just stop walking down certain streets.

This region started handing Don Boudria massive majorities starting in the Bronze Age and lasted until he retired a few years ago (1984–2006). For ten of those years he was one of Chretien’s most trusted MP’s. For most of those years he stayed up all night searching the archives for ways to defend his party during Question Period. He actually became known as “Binder Boy”.

For the thirteen years the Liberals were on the governing side of the House they could have at least attempted to fix Hawkesbury. Put together some kind of Provincial-Federal commission. But they didn’t. In fact, they made what had to be conscious decisions not to help the people in this region, the problems are that fucking obvious.

People in this country make fun of Americans because Washington DC is such a screwed up city, where just blocks from the White House you can pick up a hooker and coke for $20. First of all those people have never been to The Byward Market, but just travel another sixty kilometres east from Parliament Hill and the average income for single mothers is welfare.

Hawkesbury’s rate of low-income households — an income less than $20,000 / year — is over 20 percent. If an educated workforce is considered an essential investment in a community, only nine percent of people living in the small city of Hawkesbury have graduated from university, compared to 25 percent in Cumberland, a community halfway between Hawkesbury and Ottawa.

One in four people living in Hawkesbury live below the poverty line, toss in those people living at or just above the line, and almost 60 percent of the people living there are living paycheque to paycheque.

The Liberals had thirteen years (1993-2006) to fix something, anything, around here, but didn’t. And now their party is as fucked up as anything around here, and they’re coming to town in their broken down bus, asking us to vote them into power at the next opportunity so they can… what? Help us?

They came to the poorest piece of this country with nothing except the bullshit boilerplate from the pamphlet they’ll be leaving between our doors everywhere across this country, and what happens?

The Liberals get knocked off the front page of all six weekly papers in this region by two fuckups desperate for some hillbilly heroin.

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Sources: Wikipedia: Don Boudria, Jean Chretien, Paul Martin, Prescott-Russell; Official Site for Julie Bourgeois; The Review: “Hawkesbury and Cornwall residents have lowest incomes in Eastern Ontario”, “Armed robbery catches pharmacy, neighbours by surprise”, “Ignatieff bus stops in Hawkesbury, later breaks down”; Prescott-Russell Social Services

Disclaimer: I like Don Boudria, I’ve interviewed him twice and met him a few more times. My mother was a reporter, and later editor of the local paper when Don was first starting out, and they were on friendly terms for a long time. I don’t blame Don for the lack of initiative, but I do blame the thirty years of ineffective Provincial and Federal Governments. And I have no doubt I’ll be as pissed off with the lack of solutions when the Conservatives are replaced.

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Posted in Canada, Canadian News, Canadian Politics, Champlain Township, Eastern Ontario, Entertainment, Hawkesbury, Liberal Party of Canada, Politics, poverty, Vankleek Hill | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Little Victor Sunday Update | Heat wave pear juice and moving forward

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A few days ago my grandfather, Victor’s recently 88-year old great-grandfather, had a heart attack. He survived. The doctor’s call it a “small” heart attack, but small compared to what?

He’s still in the hospital, they’ve inserted a ‘stent‘ into one of his arteries, now they’re going to wait for a few days to see if it’s necessary to insert others into other arteries. The artery with the stent was 95% blocked, which isn’t good. His cholesterol is good, his blood pressure is relatively normal, but his genetics are working against him.

My mother and her mother have been up to see him, and the report is he’s doing fine. He’s just bored. My little sister, Melissa, lives a few blocks from the hospital and has promised to see him every day, so I don’t think my grandfather will be bored for long.

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...two Victor's.

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Meanwhile Victor spent this past week trying to stay cool, which hasn’t been easy for any of us considering the stifling heat wave we’ve been living with.

This is the second heat wave Victor has been through in his very new life. During the previous one my girlfriend found an air conditioner for her apartment, so Victor and his older brother have a refuge when the humidity drives the temperature over 40C.

I have a few strategically placed fans, so once the temperature drops to a more comfortable mid-30C’s it’s safe to have Victor up here for short bursts. Victor, his mother and I watched “Year Of The Dragon” and “Capote” here on Saturday night, it actually dropped to the low 20C’s, so it was very comfortable. Victor spent most of the night sprawled out on the couch in a ‘Jesus Christ pose’.

As of this past Tuesday Victor is now weighing in at a rotund 17lbs 13.5ozs, and he’s gaining 1/4 pound a week. Which, according to Quentin Tarantino, is a “Royale with cheese” in France every seven days.

Victor has also gained the ability to move forward. He’s not crawling, but while he’s on his stomach he can use his legs to push himself around. So he can now move forward, backwards and roll around almost at will. Pretty soon he’ll be looking for his own apartment.

There are also new noises this week, specifically one where he purses his lips like he just ate ten lemons, and hums. Mostly it sounds like “mungh-mungh-mungh-mah” but then there’s “mungha-mungdah-mungdah-dah”.

New foods this week include creamed corn, creamed chicken, oatmeal with mixed fruit, pear juice and a mixture of prune juice and apple juice. He freaking loves, loves, juice, but I think it’s more the bottle than anything else.

If I hold that bottle in front of him he just goes nuts trying to grab it. His eyes get huge, and completely focused, his arms start waving and his hands clench and unclench. He can’t raise his torso yet, so he can only reach as far as his arms will let him, and once he grabs that bottle he starts trying to jam it into his mouth.

Which, if he grabbed the bottle correctly, is no big deal. But if he grabs the bottle wrong he’ll jam the nipple up his nose, or in his eye, or he’ll try to shove the bottle into his mouth sideways. It takes a few seconds, but he can now readjust and get the business end into his mouth.

And if he’s in his car seat, and the bottle falls beside him, he can now reach over with the opposite arm, grab the nipple and pull it back to a point where he can use both hands to get it back into his mouth.

None of this feels normal. Victor turns seven months old today (Monday, July 12), and it just feels odd sometimes noticing the things he does that mean he’s getting older.

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Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Eastern Ontario, Entertainment, Parenthood, Parenting, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Music To Break A Canadian Heat Wave

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My little village has been suffering through a week-long heat wave which, I think, is about to break… which would be nice, but it’s a promise we’ve been given all week.

Environment Canada has given us false hope every night of a next-day ‘heat wave breaking’ storm, only to change their mind about it while we were sleeping.

At least the humidity seems to have gone. It’s not the 32C heat that makes you want to give up, it’s the extra ten degrees in ‘humidity points’ that make stepping outside like slowly being smothered to death by one part oxygen and two very pissed off hydrogen molecules.

I don’t really mind the throbbing pain I get just behind my ear when I’m walking down Main Street Vankleek Hill at noon during a heat wave. When I was growing up I worked as a farmhand around Eastern Ontario, hand picking stones out of fields for farmers while it’s 30C, or working in the hay mow where the temperature could get up to infinity plus one.

I came out of the mow once with my shirt covered in blood from my dried out nose, and I couldn’t straighten either arm because I was so cramped from dehydration…. six bucks an hour, baby, six freaking bucks an hour.

When I worked as a fishing guide in Northern Ontario there was a ten day heat wave, during which I worked in a 16-foot, shiny aluminum boat out on a lake all day. My skin actually sloughed off my arms during that one.

It’s the stickiness I hate. My computer mouse sticks to my desk, my fingers stick to the keyboard, my boxers stick to my ass… the PS3 controller is sticky from the 4.5-year old fingers of my girlfriend’s oldest son.

There is one thing I love about heat waves… sitting outside, at night, listening to music played quietly.

This is not music to play Grand Theft Auto IV to… although I’ve been giving it a shot tonight. This is music I listen to while I’m sitting on my balcony, bent slightly sideways on my broken couch, trying to see the mountains through the thick haze as the sun sets or rises, and watching the finches and the doves and the seagulls.

Music I listen to while I recover from an ice cold shower on a hot second-storey balcony.

If you have any problems with the media player, let me know and I’ll get it fixed.

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Mary Margaret O’Hara
Miss America (1988)
“Body’s in Trouble”

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Joni Mitchell
Blue (1971)
“Blue”

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Godspeed You Black Emperor!
Slow Riot for New Zero Kanada (1999)
“Moya”

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Robbie Robertson
Robbie Robertson (1987)
“Somewhere Down the Crazy River”

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Tragically Hip
Phantom Power (1998)
“Bobcaygeon”

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To be honest, this is mostly about posting some great Canadian music… these are all Canadian, by the way. Shame on you for not knowing that.

It generally takes two days for my apartment to cool off after a heat wave breaks. Hopefully by Sunday it won’t feel as though the air coming into my lungs is ready to catch fire.

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Posted in Canada, Canadian Music, CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Eastern Ontario, Entertainment, Vankleek Hill | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments