Little Victor Update | Reflecting Back On Six Months Of Fatherhood

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Everything I’ve ever learned about fatherhood has been taught to me over six months by a laughing seventeen-pound baby boy named Victor.

It’s been a crash course. He’s doing his best to keep me from hurting myself, but I think mostly I just test his patience. I’m trying, sensai, I’m trying.

Fatherhood is not something I have a lot of experience with. Mostly the personal experience I have as to what makes a good father are from the experiences I wanted, rather than received.

The question was recently put to me, “what’s a fathers role in raising a child?”, and I wasn’t sure what the answer was. But now I think the roll of the father is to relax some of the limits, to let the kid know it’s okay to pick up a bug. To let the kid jump from the fifth step into your arms.

…I was going to say “to be the lenient principal to moms disciplinarian vice-principal”, but I think I’ll try to find a slightly less sexist way of describing the relationship. Like I said, I’m only six months into this thing and I don’t think there’s any serious evaluation process other than the fact my girlfriend still lets me hold Victor on my own, so that’s got to mean something.

I’m not sure where “fatherhood” comes from if we grow up without the experiences which come from having one. There’s obviously an innate need to make sure my son knows not to stick a fork into a light socket… unless he’s holding onto someone. But the rest of it just seems like guesswork and acting.

Like, when I was in the Royal Canadian Army Cadets… sure, I could wear the uniform, but my hair was always touching my shoulders. Sure, I could put polish on my boots, but I could never make them shine. When I was at CFB Petawawa or CFB Ipperwash (Ippernam) I could make my bed at 5am, but the quarter never bounced.

I looked the part, is what I’m saying. But I never really did the job because I had no idea what “the job” actually was, or the amount of effort needed to get the job done. There was no one around to tell me if I was supposed to just lean against the wall, or am I supposed to be pushing it down.

There are things in our lives which we are taught either through the actions of the people around us, or by the inactions. If, early in the lessons, those people abandon us, those lessons are left to be taught by people who may already have their hands full teaching other lessons.

Like, for example, how my own father abandoned me twenty minutes after I was born, and how we had to escape him eight years later.

The Jesuits have a saying, “give me a child until he is seven and I will show you the man”, but maybe it should also include “…and I will show you how that man will treat his son as well.”.

So a big chunk of what I’m bringing into Victor’s life, as a father, is stuff I picked up watching late-1980’s sitcoms like The Cosby Show, Roseanne and Married With Children.

I can also remember walking home from VCI — we were living on Union Street, so it might have been 1986 — and seeing a father and his two young children out in their yard building a playhouse. And I stopped and watched, and I can remember thinking “that’s what a father does”.

Fast forward a few years and he married my mother.

I don’t know… who we are is the collection of experiences we gather, and I do have a lot of experiences to draw from. So maybe that’s enough.

It’s still an interesting question, though… “what’s the role of ‘father’ in raising a child?”. Six months into this unique life that is Victor and I’m not exactly sure.

But I know Victor’s going to teach me… if nothing else at least I know Al Bundy managed to raise three kids who never killed anyone.

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Entertainment, Family, Parenthood, Parenting, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , | 3 Comments

The 2010 Champlain Township Soccer League Tournament versus the 2010 FIFA World Cup

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My girlfriend’s oldest son, Andrew, scored four goals in Team Gold’s final soccer game at the 2010 Champlain Township Soccer Tournament at the Vankleek Hill Community Centre.

But he’ll only take credit for two of them, and was happier to talk about hugging his friends on the opposing team than his end-to-end rush finishing with his sharp kick of the half-sized soccer ball to the lower corner of the small net. It was a great play, even if the goalie was busy examining something in her hand.

Four-year olds are weird like that. They’re weird in a lot of other ways as well.

Like stopping to hug an opposing player while the rest of the two teams congregates in front of one of the nets, alternating between taking huge empty swings at the ball, and accidentally kicking a player who fell in front of the ball.

Or three-fifths of the team just walking away to find their parents and get something to drink, meanwhile the entire ten members of the opposing team decide to join the game all at once. But not to take advantage of the two members of the opposing team left on the field, it’s just one more random moment in an hour long series of random moments involving a soccer ball.

On Saturday, the outfield of the baseball diamond was divided into three soccer pitches where more than sixty four-to-six-year old boys and girls, and their parents and coaches, came to play in the final games of the 2010 season.

When the season started some of the parents commented on the lack of whistles, or even a referee, but soccer to a four-year old, like Andrew, is just a chance to kick at a ball and get chased, or be the one chasing the kid kicking the ball. As far as I can tell, Andrew having been four-years old for six months now, a four-year old only really knows one game, and that’s “nyahh, nyahh, come get me”.

And this year they just introduced a ball into the game.

Meanwhile, at the 2010 FIFA World Cup, being held in South Africa, the team director for Team France has quit because his team refused to practise after one of the players was kicked off the team for (among other things) insulting the coach.

The behaviour of adult, professional soccer players is almost a parody of the league Andrew just finished playing in. Where Andrew and his little buddies fall down a lot because they’ve only been walking for two years, FIFA players do it over and over again to gain an advantage without effort.

And where FIFA players will, at the faintest brush, flop on the ground as though they’ve been bitten in the groin, Andrew and his little buddies will be back on the field after getting a hug from mom after being hit in the face for the first time ever by a speeding soccer ball.

So, basically, as they get older, and paid, soccer players start to act more like the way we expect four-year olds to act. Except Andrew and the other kids in the Champlain Soccer League never quit… at least not until the heat exhaustion and dehydration kicked in.

Andrew definitely had a great time hanging out with his little buddies.

Next up, T-Ball… and one step closer to hockey.

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Posted in Canada, Champlain Township, Entertainment, Vankleek Hill Area Blogs | Tagged , | 5 Comments

The Night Hate Came To A Vankleek Hill Theatre

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“Dem free-niggers f’um de N’of am sho’ crazy.”
— dialogue card from “The Birth Of A Nation” (1915), “Part 2: Reconstruction”

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“The result: The Klu Klux Klan, the organization that saved the South from the anarchy of black rule, but not without the shedding of more blood than at Gettysburg, according to Judge Tourgee of the carpet-baggers.”
— dialogue card from “The Birth Of A Nation”.

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“It is like writing history with Lightning. And my only regret is that it is all so terribly true.”
— allegedly the reaction of American President Woodrow Wilson after seeing Birth Of A Nation.

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“Those evolved enough to understand what they are looking at find the early and wartime scenes brilliant, but cringe during the postwar and Reconstruction scenes, which are racist in the ham-handed way of an old minstrel show or a vile comic pamphlet.”
Roger Ebert reviews “Birth Of A Nation”, March 30, 2003

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In March, 1918, the touring version of “The Birth Of A Nation” came to play at Vankleek Hill’s Town Hall. The three hour silent, black and white movie was considered at the time to be the greatest film ever made.

Many people in the fledgling American civil rights movement, however, also considered it to be the most racist film ever made.

The movie, directed and written by the brilliant David Griffith, portrays the Klu Klux Klan as a righteous organization created to save the Confederate South from the white “carpet-baggers” from the North and the “Negroes” who have been enthralled by their message of “we shall crush the White South under the heel of the Black North.”

Most serious modern film critics still consider the movie to be a classic, in fact it’s one of the few movies to score a perfect “100” on RottenTomatoes.com, a site which collects movie reviews from newspapers around Canada and the United States.

The editing and directing techniques used by Griffith — who basically invented modern film making, and was the movies producer — were groundbreaking and still used in films today.

But can a movie be “great” even though it’s completely inaccurate when it claims to be an historical documentary, when it was created to be propaganda for a racist and deeply flawed ideology, and when it was later used for decades as a recruitment tool for an organization which used beatings, rape, torture and murder as tools to intimidate an entire class of people?

And what happens when that movie, with it’s overt racism and presented as historically accurate, tours across rural, 1918 Canada, where “racial integration” is mostly meaningless because there’s no other colour than white for days in any direction?

The movie arrived in Vankleek Hill three years after it was first released in 1915. By the time it played here the movie had already been debunked across most of the United States as a white supremacist fantasy, but the ad which ran in Vankleek Hill’s newspaper, ‘The Eastern Ontario Review’, boasted of “startling facts that explain its vogue”, which essentially means “this movie is huge because of its Truth”.

The Reviews editorial, printed in the same issue as the advertisement, claimed The Birth Of A Nation “records its facts with the rapidity of lightning”, which was basically a reprinting of a quote from President Woodrow Wilson, which was used in the movie’s promotional material.

So walking into Vankleek Hill’s Town Hall — where the twenty-five cent 3:15pm matinée was held specifically for school children — local residents would have been expecting an extravagant retelling of the post-Civil War reconstruction.

And what they got was the technological equivalent of seeing “Avatar” in IMAX 3D after only having access to a black and white, full screen version of “The White Gorilla” broadcast in mono to a 6″ TV screen.

What they saw was groundbreaking and revolutionary. There were “stage effects”, which would have been small fireworks and smoke to intensify the battle sequences, a cast of 18,000 people and 3,000 horses, there would have been loud, live music “conducted by the famous Concert Master, Norman Thorp”.

In his 2003 review of the film Roger Ebert wrote “[Birth Of A Nation was] cited until the 1960s as the greatest American film, “Birth” is still praised as influential, ground-breaking and historically important, yes–but is it actually seen? Despite the release of an excellent DVD restoration from Kino, it is all but unwatched.”

And he’s right, “Birth Of A Nation” has been available for rent at the VideoTron in Hawkesbury since 2005, but has only been rented ten times (including once by me just a week ago).

Very few people today would care to see a silent movie, and very few movie rental stores even carry them — VideoTron in Hawkesbury has a great selection of old movies.

Today the same level of bigotry and misinformation can be found in infinitely inferior movies such as “Valley Of The Wolves: Iraq” (2003), produced in Turkey with Billy Zane and Gary Busey, and called “rabidly anti-American” by the BBC. The basic story involves a Jewish doctor stealing organs from Iraqi civilians / casualties to sell to Israeli citizens.

It holds the record for Turkey’s domestic box office for a Turkish produced film, Turkeys Parliamentary speaker-of-the-house referred to it as “absolutely magnificent”. During its release it was presented by the screenwriter as being “60 to 70 percent true”.

So if a poorly produced movie filled with such bigotry and hate, starring actors of such poor quality, and with a barely passable script, can be accepted as ‘70% true’ in a major democratic country such as Turkey in this infinite-channel universe era, how would a citizen of 1918 Vankleek Hill fare walking out of a showing of the greatest show ever produced — which just spent three hours teaching him all “niggers” really want is to rape white women?

I doubt he’d throw on a sheet, grab a horse and head out in search of a white maiden to save, but there had to be seeds planted that day.

Unfortunately The Review didn’t follow up on the March 13, 1918, showing. The only mention of the movie was the half-page ad, and the editorial a few days before the event.

Which might be a good sign.

A year after the release of “Birth Of A Nation”, and two years before “Birth” played in Vankleek Hill, Griffith released “Intolerance” (1916), a film considered to be his masterpiece. The movie looked at four eras of racism and intolerance over a 2500 year span. It’s considered by most film critics to be Griffith’s way of apologizing for “Birth Of A Nation”, Griffith even used most of the same main actors.

“Intolerance” has a RottenTomatoes.com ranking of 95%.

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Posted in America, American Politics, Canada, Civil Rights, Entertainment, Hawkesbury, Movies, Reporting, Vankleek Hill Area Blogs, Vankleek Hill History | Leave a comment

Little Victor Sunday Update | Eating Pears Playing At The Splash Park And Projectile Milk

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We don’t know how much Victor weighs right now. I’m guessing more than he used to, because this weeks clothes always have to be bigger than last weeks clothes.

It has been three weeks since we took him to the “Watch Me Grow” program at the Knox Presbyterian Church in Vankleek Hill. The program offers a registered nurse, or nurse practitioner who monitors the baby’s growth and makes sure he gets all of his shots when he’s supposed to get them.

They’re also there with advice on when to start solid foods, and what foods to offer the baby.

They also weigh the kids. The last time we checked, Victor was firmly in the middle of the “normal” curve at 16lbs. Which, for a kid born five weeks before his due date, means he’s been an eating machine.

Diane has been experimenting with what Little Victor eats, this week it was pears, last week it was peaches. So far he likes the former, greatly dislikes the latter — just like his uncle Luc. This is the time in a babies life where we’re supposed to introduce real food into the diet. So far it’s been boob-juice, formula and lately some kind of gruel.

I missed his introduction to peaches, but was there to see his reaction to pears. So far everything he’s jammed into his mouth has tasted like his fist, plastic or mommy, so it was really interesting to see how long it took for his brain to register back to his body that this thing in his mouth was new.

It took a few seconds but eventually he looked concerned, his body spasmed in the ExcerSaucer, and he mushed the tiny spoonful of pear around in his mouth. He smiled, so I think he liked it, but the kid smiles twenty hours a day.

I don’t know what Diane thinks — I’ll probably find out ten minutes after I publish this — but I think dates should be on the menu. But I’m not sure I should be trusted with these decisions.

I inadvertently, kind of, introduced Victor to a new taste last week. Diane, kind of, freaked out a little when I showed her how much Little Victor liked licking a piece of popcorn. I guess that was probably his first introduction to salt. He loves salt.

What I know about babies comes directly, and solely, from The Mom Show. It’s a great show, probably one of the most honest and fearless programs on TV, and I’ve watched it for years. Unfortunately, since Diane’s third trimester I’ve been too busy with hospitals and actually taking part in raising my son, that I’ve lost access to The Mom Show.

I wish I could read the parenting books, but the book-reading piece of my brain burned out years ago. I can barely focus on a newspaper anymore, and it takes an act of will to read a magazine article.

So at this point I’m basically relying on YouTube as a learning too. I can’t wait for when Victor starts shooting lasers out of his eyes.

We took Victor and his 4.5-year old big brother, Andrew, to the splash pad at the Vankleek Hill Arena this past Saturday. Whoever voted to have that thing installed needs to be thanked. With a parade and fireworks… every year on their birthday.

The water was a little cold, but Andrew and I got soaked while Diane walked Little Victor up to one of the streams of water. He got a little wet, and a little freaked out, but he had a great time.

The trip home in his little buggy ended up being too much for the poor little guy, just when we got to the stairs he released his last meal in a fountain of formula that coated him and filled the seat of his buggy. Then he smiled.

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Little Victor turned six months old over the weekend, just in time for his great-grandfather, Big Victor’s eighty-eighth birthday.

Diane and I took them both out for dinner to “Goodies” in Hawkesbury.

A nice time was had by all, Big Victor got a nice card from Andrew, and some peanut brittle, and an album filled with photos of his great-grandson.

And the two Victor’s really perked up everyone’s day.

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Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

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Movie’s We Watched Last Week:

We didn’t really have an opportunity to watch a lot of movies this week. I know Diane watched a lot of HBO’s “Rome“. The only serious movie we watched together was “Shutter Island” (2010), with Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo. I read too much of a review where the reviewer forgot to put up a “spoiler alert”, so I kind of knew what was going on.

It was good… classic 1950’s, fedora wearing, Humphrey Bogart-style thriller, with some major twists and way more use of the word “fuck” than in “The Maltese Falcon”.

The only other movie I watched this week (Victor skipped this one) was “The Birth Of A Nation” (1915), a silent B&W flick about how the Ku Klux Klan saved the White South from the menacing Black North after the American Civil War. Fascinating movie. It’s considered by most critics to be the greatest American movie ever made… and the most racist.

The movie actually played at the town hall in Vankleek Hill on March 13, 1918. I just wrote a post about it that I’m publishing here on Tuesday or Wednesday. Oooo… I almost have a schedule.

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Posted in Canada, CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Entertainment, Hawkesbury, Movies, Punk, Vankleek Hill Area Blogs, Vankleek Hill History, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Little Victor Sunday Update June 7, 2010

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It’s pretty easy to tell Victor is an All-Star, especially when four dozen people stop so they can say exactly that in a single afternoon.

Diane and I took part in the most recent Vankleek Hill Trash & Treasure village-wide yard sale event this past Saturday and, at least on our street, Victor was the drawing point. People were crossing the street to have a little visit with him.

He had a great time hanging out with his mom on the front porch. His great-grandfather showed up later in the afternoon and the two of them laughed at each other… it’s pretty much at the point where, when they look at each other, it’s like they’re looking into a mirror.

Little Victor is well over sixteen pounds now. He may be seventeen pounds by now. I haven’t been to a “Watch Me Grow” session at the Knox Presbyterian Church in a few weeks, and I think Diane’s been working most Tuesdays, so getting him weighed regularly like we used to just hasn’t been happening.

…actually, I totally forgot to ask Diane is she went this week.

Diane’s oldest son, four-year old dynamo Andrew, has been a great brother to Victor so far… so far. When Diane was still pregnant with Victor, the doctor asked about other children in the home. When he found out about Andrew, and how old he was, he said it was the perfect age to introduce another child. Apparently, according to the doctor, there’s a lack of jealousy at that age.

So far so good. Andrew loves to hold Victor, won’t let anyone touch Victor if they’re sick, and he’ll ask Diane if he can feed him. And, when we’re changing Victor’s diaper, Andrew will even hang around and ask questions about Victor’s poo.

I know it’s a long, long way off, but I think there’s a better possibility of the two of them together making a good team than there is of them growing apart.

Victor’s been sick for almost 48-hours now. He’s got a cough, and he sneezes and as of a few hours ago his right cheek is slightly swollen. Diane, who has travelled this road way before me, says the liquid children’s Tylenol should get everything under control.

But he’s still sleeping and eating as well and as much as normal… which is to say he’s guzzling back bottle after bottle and sleeping away the milk hangovers for hours.

Over the weekend he also spent about four hours in his Jolly-Jumper. The kid’s going to have thighs bigger than mine before he’s two.

Victor will be six months old Saturday. Just to recap, he was born December 12, 2009, at 9:49pm in the Ottawa General Hospital. Technically he was born a day prematurely, but five weeks before his official due date. So, because of hospital protocols, he spent his first six hours in Intensive Care.

I spent two hours in there with him, but Diane and I were just too exhausted, so I found her room on the Maternity Ward and passed out… on the floor, because hospital protocol said dudes can’t sleep in maternity ward beds, even when they’re empty.

When I woke up — about thirty minutes after falling to sleep — the nurse had just brought Victor back from the ICU. After the three of us checked each other out for a minute, we all went back to sleep. At least that’s what I remember. I was so tired, for all I know Victor and Diane could have been shooting off bottle rockets.

Which is definitely something I’ll be teaching him how to do.

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Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

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This week Victor, Diane and I watched “The Road” (2009) with Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee, and “The Killing Fields” (1984) with Sam Waterston and Dr. Haing Ngor. Not exactly the most upbeat of movie selections, but both were fantastic. I’ve seen “The Killing Fields”… it must be at least a dozen times now.

Both movies are based on earlier books, both movies are about surviving a hellish situation — “The Road” is about a father and son trying to survive in the aftermath of a global catastrophe by travelling to the Atlantic Coast. The “Father” hopes to have taught his young son all there is to know about survival by then.

“The Killing Fields” is a biography of Dith Pran, a Cambodian photojournalist during the end of the Vietnam War, when the Americans were pulling out of the region after destabilizing Cambodia, allowing the Khmer Rouge to take over. The main story is about his escape from the ensuing Cambodian Holocaust of 1975-1979, so he can return to his family. Along the way he adopts the son of one his abusers.

We also watched my favourite Nick Nolte movie, “The Good Thief” (2002), it also stars Ralph Fiennes and Nutsa Kukhianidze. It’s about an American curmudgeon, gambler, thief and heroin addict dying slowly in France, but willing to try “one more big score.”

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Bob: We give you Elvis, we give you Dylan, we give you Hendrix, what do you give us? Johnny Hallyday!
Roger: Don’t get me started about Johnny Hallyday…

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It’s be a wee bit of a stretch, but the relationship between “Bob” (Nolte) and the younger characters is very close to one of an absentee / addict father and his adoring children.

We do like themes when we rent our movies.

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, CSN:AFU Movies, Entertainment, Movies, Vankleek Hill Area Blogs, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | 6 Comments

Once A Year Vankleek Hill Becomes A Hoarders Paradise

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My girlfriend and I, along with some of her friends, and our baby set up shop on my parents porch to sell stuff during Vankleek Hill’s 11th annual “Trash & Treasure Day” on Saturday. Most of the offers we received were for our baby… some of them seemed very reasonable.

I’ve been making an attempt to de-clutter my apartment recently, so this years T&T came at the perfect moment. It’s a town-wide yard sale put on by the Vankleek Hill Business and Merchant Association, and it usually brings in a lot of tourists from the neighbouring towns and villages.

The weather was a little dodgy this year — it rained in the morning, got hot in the early afternoon, then there was a downpour just after the event ended — so attendance appeared to be down, but we didn’t set up until 11am, and I was mostly concentrating on selling off most of my CD collection, three dozen DVD’s, a pile of games for the PS2 and twenty-six books.

I actually did all right, a lot better than I thought I would have. A buck a CD, two bucks each for the DVD’s, five for the games and three for the hardcovers and I came home with less than half the stuff I started out with. And now my apartment is nicely on the way to being de-cluttered, and I can afford to feed my baby for another week.

I was also kind of impressed with the fact I was able to hang out and talk to strangers. This is not something I can usually do comfortably. At least not in recent years. So that was cool.

There were a few people who stopped and wanted to talk about music, which was great. One of them wanted to talk about Blues, which was even better. A kid, who otherwise would never have been able to buy the game in a store, stopped to buy my copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and we talked video games for ten minutes. Which was also great.

…I should probably take this moment to apologize to his mother… and, inevitably, to his teachers and his parole officer. I totally apologize. But it was three bucks, and daddy’s got to eat.

During the last sixteen months, because of the high-risk nature of my girlfriend’s pregnancy last year, and now having Victor around, I’ve basically turned into either a hermit or a shut-in. So having an opportunity to hang out on a street corner during a high-traffic event like the T&T, where everyone’s getting deep into everyone else’s business, turned out to be a refreshing change of pace.

Whoever came up with the concept of the Trash & Treasure day deserves, at least, to have the day named after them. But whoever came up with the timing of the event… maybe not so much.

The Vankleek Hill-wide yard sale comes roughly three weeks after — after — the town-wide Vankleek Hill spring cleaning trash day, where people empty out their sheds onto the sidewalks for the garbage men to come and take away furniture, TV’s, old computer systems, boxes of crap, and my old mattress and box spring.

As a result, at the end of “Trash & Treasure Day”, the “Trash” part people can’t sell has to be hauled back to the sheds to wait for next years “Big Garbage Day”. And “Big Garbage Day” swallows up a lot of the “Treasure” people could be selling, or inter-village recycling, on T&T Day.

I’m not sure how it could be fixed, but it does seem a little backward, and a lot of stuff that could otherwise be recycled is probably heading off to the dump instead.

The strangest thing I saw sold off during T&T Day was a ten-pin bowling ball named Betty. It belonged, until Saturday, to my girlfriend, and she sold it for two bucks… including the case.

And, looking at him now, sleeping in his little basket, I am glad we didn’t sell Victor.

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Posted in CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Entertainment, Humor, Humour, Reporting, Vankleek Hill Area Blogs | Tagged | 1 Comment