Portraits Of People Who Can Make Me Smile 004

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo header

spacer

I think it’s pretty obvious my girlfriend was born to be on the cover of a Simon & Garfunkel album… or in the local weekly newspaper which, coincidentally, is where a black and white version of this photo was published this week. You’re welcome World. This is the second time I’ve selected a photo of Diane to be featured in this category. Again, you’re welcome World.

.

Technical Stuff: There are no filters for tiny digital cameras… at least none that can screw onto the lens. So sunlight will bleed into a shot. You’d have to use some freaky combination of fractal mathematics and differential calculus to find the percentage of times it actually works out like it did in this photo… which isn’t a lot. Mostly this photo should have been washed out, kind of like a post-grunge, Canadian-poptart album cover — I’m looking at you, Nelly Furtado.

.

This photo of Diane was taken in the Vankleek Hill Community Garden, which has mostly been allowed to return to its natural state of being a place where no one ever goes. If it’s going to continue, and it’s a decent idea, there has to be some kind of ‘end of the season harvest BBQ’ or something so people have a reason for keeping their plot growing. Some event to mark the seasons changing… something involving food… maybe an annual date put aside for giving thanks for the harvest… I don’t know, hopefully someone will come up with an idea for next year.

.

Previous Photo

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Entertainment, Family Events, Humor, Humour, Nature, Photography, Photos, Portraits, Published, Shambhala, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Little Victor Update | First Thanksgiving, poo and cannibalism

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo header

.

It’s official, Victor is a cannibal. We just had to wait for his teeth to fully come through to find out for sure.

Sometimes, when we’re feeding him his hard food, we’ll just kind of drop bits into his mouth. Until recently we had an excellent shot at withdrawing our fingers fully intact. Not so much now that his two bottom-front, razor-like teeth have developed. He has at least one fully developed fang on top, but I’m not going in there anymore to find out how many there are.

A few days ago he took a chunk of Diane’s finger along with the little chunk of chicken she offered him. So, now that he has tasted human flesh it should be a lot funnier when people lean in to pinch his cheeks. Maybe not so much when he learns how to run, but for now it should be good for some laughs.

Originally my plan for Halloween was to dress him up as a zombie, but I think we’ve decided on The Joker. His hair is long enough, so we should be able to do him up like the Heath Ledger version. Diane went out and bought the makeup, so we might have a practice night before the real thing.

Victor already has the smile and weird cackling noises perfected, so now all we need is a purple suit and a green vest.

.


YouTube Warning: the first minute is mostly an annoying
and untrained dog barking. The rest is cute and heartwarming

.

This was Victor’s first Thanksgiving, and our first as a fully formed family. Diane cooked, and I mostly watched TV, so it was traditional. She did a great job, we decided to go with a regular sized chicken rather than the turkey option. Andrew, Diane’s oldest son, hasn’t really developed a regular appetite yet, so it was really just the two of us.

Victor did get some mashed carrots, potatoes and chicken chunks… I fed him with a spoon, because I saw how hard he bit down on Diane’s finger. I also saw the hole where the piece of her finger used to be.

We made sure he got some cranberries and stuffing as well. Victor has a new, interesting and very funny behaviour when he’s eating… when it’s something he really likes his eyes close really tightly, and his head rocks a little and he moans.

When it’s something he’d rather not be eating his entire face gets screwed up and squinty, his mouth opens and he shakes his head. But he keeps chewing.

That was his reaction to the mashed potatoes. So we kept feeding him mashed potatoes, and he kept making the face, but he also kept coming back for more mashed potatoes.

Andrew was fairly content in the living room watching a cartoon called “Johnny Test”, about a boy and his dog. Mostly he was worried about having to eat more than one carrot.

It’s an interesting thing starting new traditions. Thanksgiving in my family has been pretty hit and miss in the past. In the past my parents made a big deal about it, but most of the time it’s just another day. Diane and I have already started making plans for Christmas.

We’re also starting to make plans for Victor’s first official birthday on December 12, he just turned ten-months old yesterday. Andrew will be five-years old in November, so we’re trying to figure out what that’s going to be about as well.

.

Last week Victor, Diane and I met up with my grandfather — coincidentally also named Victor — for lunch in Hawkesbury. We had a great time, my grandfather got a real kick hand feeding Victor some little French fry bits.

When we were leaving my grandfather leaned in to give Victor a kiss on the cheek, and Victor grabbed his nose. My grandfather stayed where he was, so Victor used both hands to grab his nose, cheeks, eyelid, forehead, ear, lips… they were really having a moment.

Little Victor was laughing and smiling the whole time, and so was Big Victor. It was a really moving moment, I know Big Victor was really touched (sure, it’s a pun, but it’s also the right word).

.

Victor and I have been spending a lot of time together recently. Diane’s back to work at the convenience store, and they’re put her on the morning shifts for most of the week, as well as two afternoon shifts.

So we’ve put together a decent routine. She changes Victor before leaving at 5.30am, then Victor and I wake up about 8.30am. This is when I get the music playing, I always start with Frank Sinatra’s “In the Wee Small Hours”, which seems to be Victor’s favourite album right now.

…the rest of the “lets get Victor back to sleep” playlist is a couple of albums by Canadian alt-rockers ‘Godspeed You Black Emperor!’, and the entire Muddy Waters catalogue.

Then I turn the kettle on, use the washroom, then get a clean diaper and Victor’s ‘wipes’ ready at the change station. By this time the kettle is ready, so I refill Victor’s bottle and start getting it warmed up. Then I change him, get the bottle and put him back in his crib.

He usually falls right back to sleep, which usually gives me until 10am to finish sleeping. When he wakes up this time, if he hadn’t crapped the first time he woke up, this is definitely when I need extra wipes.

For the next two hours we’re outside on the balcony, or he’s in his ExcerSaucer and I’m at the computer, or we’re on the couch watching SportsCentre. Usually all three.

If I have him in the afternoon, for Diane’s 12pm to 5pm shift, then the first two hours are his nap, then he gets some work done in his ExcerSaucer — which looks like a mini-office. If we’re bored and need something to do we’ll head down to Diane’s apartment and watch a movie.

But mostly we just hang out and talk.

.

Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

.

Bonus Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Almost Like Art, Entertainment, Family, Hawkesbury, Little Victor, Nature, Parenthood, Parenting, Photography, Photos, Portraits, Sunset Project, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Enviro-mental Cat

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo header

spacer

My cat can open cupboards, she can open the drawers on my dresser, when she was a kitten she could escape from every jail I put her and her siblings into. When she was still smaller than my fist she once climbed almost four feet straight up, then walked off the railing of my second balcony. My neighbour found her walking around in the yard. She also likes to hide in boxes, and sleep in my cloth grocery bags. I named her ‘Cooler’ after “the Cooler King”, Steve McQueen’s character in ‘The Great Escape’.

.

Technical Stuff: There’s a lot more to getting this photo than just having a cat who hides in bags. First you have to decide to move back to your hometown to recover from a longterm illness. Then, about five years into your recovery, you have to ask the girl at the convenience store out on a date. Then you have to make sure her two cats get together and have a healthy litter of kittens. It gets a little easier after that, because now you have the cat. Now all you have to do is find a decent cloth grocery bag.

.

Cooler also plays fetch with her toy mice, and will hide behind corners so she can attack your feet. She’ll jump halfway up a door frame just because, then sit like a prairie dog so she can see what’s going on across the room. Did you know when the original Steve McQueen got a case of cancer he went to a “doctor” who prescribed coffee enemas and frequent shampoos? Know what happened? He died of cancer. Did you know cats will never submit willingly to a coffee enema? Cooler will never become the Steve McQueen impersonator I hoped she would.

.

Previous Photo

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Animals, Entertainment, Everyday Stuff, Marginally Half Decent, Photography, Photos, Portraits, Shambhala, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos | Tagged | 3 Comments

Two Victor’s Update | Crawling, biting and talking

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo header

.

I might be jumping the gun here, I’m not sure what the protocol is, or what exactly constitutes “crawling”, but my kid — on camera — got into the crawl position, did his frog dance, then moved one knee forward and then the other.

All together he moved forward roughly four inches. Since then I’ve seen him make the movements, but he doesn’t plant the knee he’s pushing off of, so he kind of falls down, laughs, and tries it again.

Which, I’m starting to suspect, is the fun part for him. It’s fun for him to make the motions, because they’re new, the movement the motions are supposed to create is not something he’s thinking about.

So… he can crawl, he just doesn’t want to right now. He can, however, definitely bite. Any time he can grab someone’s finger, he’ll pull it right into his mouth and chomp down as hard as he can. He’s not being mean, he does the same thing with any object he can grab.

It just hurts more when it’s your finger. He doesn’t have any full teeth yet, but there are the sharp points of a couple of them sticking out of his gums. It doesn’t really hurt, but it is funny to watch him try his hardest to bite your finger off. His eyes get all squinty… he looks like a toothless old dude trying to bite off a piece of beef jerky.

Then, when he can’t get a piece off, he’ll pull your finger out, examine it, turn it a little, and jam it back into his mouth to take another shot.

Having something to push into his gums relaxes him. I have an empty pill bottle that I give him when he starts to get upset. He likes it because it fits his hand perfectly, so he can wave it around and bang it on his ExcerSaucer. But then he’ll look at it really carefully, turn it around, find the sweet spot, and jam it into his upper gums and push.

His two front, top teeth are getting ready to pop out. And it looks like Victor is going to have his daddy’s bucktooth gap. Hopefully he also got my sense of humour.

There are two things Victor loves doing more than anything else… bouncing and talking. He loves his Jolly Jumper and his ExcerSaucer because he can jump around like a maniac in them. But now he’s doing it in his high chair, while we’re feeding him.

When he’s in his high chair we like to tilt the seat back a little, it makes it easier to feed him. So a little while ago he figured out how to pull himself up straight so he could grab a bottle off the tray. Which was cool. But now, and this is a very recent phenomenon, he’ll use the tray to pull himself up, and then he’ll almost throw himself back into the seat. Because it’s a plastic high chair it sounds violent, and overall it’s only kind of “nervously funny”.

It’s probably the first thing he has learned how to do that I hope he grows out of.

I guess the biggest news from the past few weeks is Victor’s ability to talk. I think this is kind of like the crawling situation, it sounds like Victor is talking, but it’s probably just something he’s doing to pass the time between bottles.

He has been saying “dahdahdah-dahdahdah” for almost a month now, but it always seemed to be just an extension of the little noises he makes that make his mouth feel cool. Just over the past week, for example, he has started blowing raspberries at everything.

I take full credit for teaching him how to do that.

But at some point last week he started to say “dada”, like it was it’s own, independent word. It makes sense since his mom has been repeating “dada” in front of him since, at least, March.

There are times when we’re playing — I have a little video of him doing it — and he’ll go through the sounds he knows, then get quiet and start whispering “dada… daDA… DaDa… DAda”, like he’s going through the different pronunciations. It’s one of the coolest, most amazing things I’ve ever seen.

He’s actually at the point now where he’s imitating our mouth movements. Which is just funny. We caught him doing it tonight. His hands move while his mouth moves like he’s explaining something to someone. It’s like he’s lip syncing to a conversation in his head.

.

Photo Of Victor’s Week:

Victor's photo of the week

.

Bonus Photo Of Victor’s [Father’s] Week:

Victor's photo of the week

.

.

Big Victor Update

.

Little Victor’s great-grandfather, not-so-coincidentally also named Victor, recently had a procedure done to open up his arteries — he had a “mild” heart attack about a month ago, and put a stent in to open one of his arteries.

They were going to add two more stents this time, but decided it’d be easier and just as effective to clean the arteries out manually. My grandfather got a real kick out of watching the whole thing on the monitor.

He got a bigger kick when they told him he could get back on the golf course almost immediately. He played two rounds of 18-holes that week, his score was pretty much the same as before the heart attack.

He’s been having some problems with depression, which is normal when you’re facing heart surgery — and having negative influences in his life. But I’ll leave that for another post — even though I had already written it out and was going to publish it here.

My grandfather has been asking me questions about psychiatry since he moved into his retirement home. And for the past few months he has been asking about the medication I take so I can sleep — he’s having difficulty getting to sleep, and staying there. Personally I’ve had a sleeping disorder, as a symptom of something larger, since I was seventeen… ish.

My grandfather and I talk by phone twice a week. We also try to get together once a week for lunch, and so he can have a visit with his great-grandson.

He’s also (while we’re on the subject) depressed because he has no one left to talk with. Most of his construction friends have passed on, and there’s no one in the ‘retirement home’ he can relate to. He’s pointed out in the past that he and I are in the same position — because of a lengthy, and difficult, recovery from a major health issue, I’ve also lost most of the friends and connections I’ve ever made.

So, basically, he believes we’ve got each other and not much more.

He likes that I’ll argue with him. It keeps his mind active. The thing with my grandfather is he has slowed down — he’s 88-years old, lived through a heart attack and a few strokes — so you have to give him time to talk, otherwise he gets confused and shuts down.

Unfortunately, the “negative influence” I’m not writing about at the moment is around him almost constantly and seems to enjoy talking faster than he can compute, so he feels like he can’t defend himself.

Personally I think some kind of intervention is gravely needed, and at least a decade overdue. Or maybe just handcuffs and 2000mgs of Seroquel.

The former, which is probably a better idea to get started with, is something that’s beyond my current capabilities.

But, like I wrote, beyond this would be for another post… or a post on an entirely other blog.

So… I have no idea what’s going to happen. Which is also depressing.

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Cool Stuff, CSN:AFU Aboot Me, Depression, Entertainment, Everyday Stuff, Family, Hawkesbury, Parenthood, Parenting, Photography, Portraits, Self Portraits, Vankleek Hill, Victor, Victor's Week In Review | Tagged , | 2 Comments

The Samurai bee and the red ninja horde

Copyright ImageVankleek Hill photo header

spacer

Even without the hordes of tiny, red six-legged monsters stealthily climbing the flower stems, preparing for the attack, this is a pretty cool shot. But it’s a lot better with the thousands of tiny, red six-legged beasties quietly climbing upwards to gain their prize… I assume they crave the moist, succulent flesh of the bumblebee. I know, looking at it just sitting there, defenceless, I’m having some cravings.

.

Technical Stuff: Hi there. My camera is roughly the size of a regular bar of soap. The lens is slightly smaller than a dime. I just thought I’d point that out because, damn, I make it work baby. I was shooting the flowers, saw the bee flying around and when it landed I took this shot. Then it took off across the street. I didn’t see the red menace until I was cropping the shot — this is 3/5th of the whole photo.

.

The way those red beasties are positioned, it looks like they might be sucking the juices out of the flower stems. Either that or they’re all doing handstands… I don’t really know red bug behaviour all that well. Seriously, if I walked into a bar and saw one drinking alone at a table in the back, I’d totally leave him alone because I wouldn’t know if he was about to go off and pull a gun, or buy a round for the bar. I’d probably just leave. Or, if it was a nice place, step on him.

.

Previous Photo

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Animals, Cool Stuff, Entertainment, Experiments, Favourites, Nature, Photography, Photos, Shambhala, Vankleek Hill, Vankleek Hill Photos | Tagged | 4 Comments

Almost Like Art | The slow death of colour

Copyright Imagecsnafu photo header

spacer

I really like this shot, but I believe the only thing in focus here is the fly. This ‘theme’ only allows for a width of 640-650px, which means I can’t enlarge the photo to prove it, so take my word… everything you see here, other than the fly, is in various stages of blurry. This is the problem when the lens of the only working camera you own is only 1/2 inch wide, and the whole camera fits perfectly into your baby’s hands.

.

Technical Stuff: The first thing you’ll have to do to get a shot like this is, if you have an auto-focus camera, it’d be a good idea to drop it a few times. After that, just make sure you take medications that make your hands shake, it’s also really important the lens of your pocket-sized digital camera has been taken from a child’s miniature doll set so it barely allows any light to make it back to the tiny computer inside your camera… actually, that’s pretty much the secret right there.

.

In high school one of my English teachers told me when an artist painted a fly on the subject of a portrait, it signified death and decay. My English teachers both smoked a lot of pot, but it stuck with me. Flowers are always more interesting in the early fall when, coincidentally, they’re in the middle of dying and decaying. This was one of eighteen shots I took of this flower. This is the best one — by that I mean the most in focus. The dead flowers behind the yellow one are really close to being in sharp focus, but only because they wanted to taunt me.

.

The Old Woman Who Swallowed The Fly

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly,
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly,
Perhaps she’ll die.

There was an old woman who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly,
Perhaps she’ll die…

.

Previous Photo

.

-30- banner

.

Posted in Almost Like Art, Animals, Cool Stuff, Entertainment, Everyday Stuff, Nature, Photography, Photos, Seasonal | Tagged , | 4 Comments